Hey Wilson, did you see the thing on the web that Donald Trump eats dog? People are talking about it. Some heard he has a kennel at Mar-A-Lago and every once in a while he gets a hankerin' for dog and sends his chef out with a meat cleaver.
Insiders say he still loves Big Macs (they stick to the wall better). There are any number of good recipes for dog. One, said to be Trump's favorite, is dog Kibbeh made with ground dog (preferably retriever or poodle), cracked wheat and onions. Add cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and allspice to taste.
Other favorites include roast leg of dog; grilled dog chops; and dog tacos. (Find more delicious dog recipes at donaldjtrump.com)
Of course, dog is a favorite in China, South Korea (no dogs in North Korea, they've already been eaten), the Philippines, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. Interestingly, dog is not on menus in Haiti, despite comments by Trump in his Sept. 10 debate with Kamala Harris.
The former president said pets are disappearing in Springfield, Ohio. The Haitian immigrants “are eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating the pets of people.”
Of course, when Trump eats dog, he's not eating someone's pet. His people get them from the rescue shelter. Bon appétit!
Top 10 Misperceptions by the Utah Legislature
1. Voters are just plain stupid
2. Judges are just plain insipid
3. Secret government is the best government
4. Trump won the debate—except for that little pets-on-a-plate thing
5. Our air is as pure as we are
6. More freeways means less traffic congestion
7. Books teach kids to be perverts
8. We manage lands better than the feds who insist on regulations
9. Amendment D is good for voters—ignorance is bliss
10. The Great Salt Lake doesn't need our help—God has it covered
Bomb Threats: As American as Apple Pie
Bowling used to be one of America's favorite pastimes, but new data reveals that it has been overtaken by folks who, rather than rolling for strikes and spares, are now calling in bomb threats. The new hobby is just exploding—no pun intended.
You remember back in the crazy days when, once in a blue moon, some cowardly sonofabitch would call in a bomb threat? Well, now right-wing bomb threats are like bugs on stink. Death threats are now as much a part of America as bad drivers, long lines and political polls.
Remember Christine Blasey Ford, who blew the whistle on Brett Kavanaugh at his Supreme Court confirmation hearing? She got so many threats that she had to move three times, get plastic surgery and have her fingertips removed. Lucky for her, she wasn't caught making shish kabob with her neighbor's chihuahua.
Enter J.D. Vance and his felonious daddy Donald Trump. Faster than you can say, “pass the ketchup,” half of the residents of Springfield, Ohio got bomb threats—and they weren't all immigrants. This after the GOP presidential ticket insisted that Haitians were chowing down on everyone's pets.
Schools were evacuated, college classes canceled, medical facilities shut down. Bomb threats came in to hospitals, City Hall and various government agencies. Trump and Vance's reply: Not sorry.
Postscript—That's going to do it for another frightening week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of scary stuff so you don't have nightmares. Believe it or not the world keeps spinning despite the presidential race. Here are some headlines to prove it:
—Missouri water lily holds 142 pounds of sandbags, wins worldwide contest
—27-year-old man sentenced after enrolling in high school to prey on teens
—Mayflies are sending warnings about urban wildfires
—A geomagnetic storm is headed to Earth
—Even after having their tubes tied, some women get pregnant
—Young people worldwide are drinking more sugary beverages
—Brazilian politician upends debate by hitting opponent with chair
—Sterilizations among women increased after Roe was overturned
—Tito Jackson, Jackson 5 singer and guitarist, dies at 70
—Blood Red Is the new Barbie Pink
Wilson, you and they guys in the band must have a little something for those great patriots, Messrs. Trump and Vance:
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit
And you ain't no friend of mine
When they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
When they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
You ain't never caught a rabbit
And you ain't no friend of mine
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit
And you ain't no friend of mine
When they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
When they said you was high-classed
Well, that was just a lie
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit
And you ain't no friend of mine
“Hound Dog”— Elvis Presley; originally recorded by Big Mama Thornton
