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To prepare Marcus for glorious victory and crushing defeat on Last Comic Standing, City Weekly has dreamt up a series of possible/utterly ludicrous scenarios for either occasion. Ever the humble guy, he at least pretended to be amused and gave his response to each:
If Marcus WINS Last Comic Standing …
Marcus: What?! How did you guys get your hands on the treatment for this? I thought this was under wraps until spring 2009, when it was set to debut simultaneously on 23 channels! You know what’s funny about this scenario: I’m sure some network exec somewhere will run across this and think, “Genius!” Thanks. Now I’m actually going to have to do this show!
Marcus: Hell yeah! Slip ’n Slide! Twister! Monopoly! Party at Wiseguys! You know, I think some sort of celebration is in order. Thanks for the idea—you bring the Slip ’n Slide, I’ll bring the funny!
Marcus: Ha! Yeah, my girl wouldn’t like that too much. Although, driving around in a giant Decepticon sounds like a little slice of heaven. I wonder how many miles per gallon Optimus Prime gets?
Marcus: Awesome! A whole minute! Ah, little David and his sweet, angelic voice. You know, we have a lot in common: I’m from Utah, he’s from Utah. I perform, he performs. I’ve proven myself through years of hard work, touring, writing my own material, earning my fan base one show at a time … he likes birds. See, we’re practically the same guy! Where’s my parade?
Marcus: Just what the world needs, more Walken impressions ...
Marcus: Oh, if I win, I’m sure they’ll mention it between a bus crash and a weather update! Although, at this point, the only thing that could lure me to the KSL studios would be a Greco-Roman wrestling match with Dick Nourse. We never saw his bottom half; to this day, I believe he was a centaur.
My dad’s old Bill Cosby records, Wonderfulness and Revenge. I got these from him when I was about 8 and they changed my life. Cosby was a guy whose upbringing couldn’t have been more different from a little white kid in Utah, but he made me relate to everything he said. Awesome, just awesome. Still awesome, for that matter.
Dr. Demento. It was this great radio show that played all sorts of cool old comedy songs and skits. Classic stuff. I used to listen in my bed on Sunday nights. I mean, when I was a kid, there was no YouTube, no MySpace. If you wanted comedy and you lived in Utah, that was it. I heard some of my first stand-up on that show. I owe Dr. Demento a lot.
Eddie Murphy: Delirious. There is where I learned that comedy could be dirty and well-written at the same time. Still one of the best comedy films of all time!