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For Mooney, it was Greer’s post-separation depression and Zhdilkov’s obsession with child porn that led to his client’s problems. Zhdilkov’s obession created “a self-fulfilling prophecy,” he says.
Such theories drive Zhdilkov to tears. “For somebody who was attracted to what he is attracted to, I can’t believe it wasn’t a thrill for him to hear the stories I told my therapist about what had happened to me,” she says. “How could he hear what he heard and then look at those little girls on the Internet and not be sick?”
WAITING FOR GOD
On October 18, 2007, Greer was finally sentenced for a single count of child pornography possession. Prior to the sentencing, Zhdilkov went to the prosecutor’s office with a box of chocolates. She had written a note with the famous line from Forrest Gump—“Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you are going to get.”
When Zhdilkov spoke to the prosecutor later that day, having not attended the sentencing, she was told Federal Judge Paul Cassell had given Greer 33 months, 18 less than the minimum federal prosecutors had asked for. They had agreed to drop one count of child porn receipt after Greer pled guilty to possession, which carries a maximum sentence of 10 years. Zhdilkov fell apart. She called the Rape Recovery Center, desperate for someone to talk to. “I couldn’t even breathe to talk,” she says.
Today, Zhdilkov lives in a small house with a back yard where she plans to plant pumpkins, zucchini squash and tomatoes, boysenberry and lilac bushes. Her only company is a parakeet with a dispiriting lack of birdsong. She doesn’t want to disclose where she works or lives for fear of retaliation from members of Greer’s family.
Greer’s sister, Kay Galster, who is running National Stock Transfer in his absence, refused to comment for this story. Attorney Mooney sees no reason why Greer won’t take control of his company when he’s released. Mooney believes Zhdilkov is “profoundly paranoid.” She mounted a letter-writing campaign to numerous people involved in Greer’s case, attempting to ensure he received the justice she felt he deserved.
How much fight Zhdilkov has left in her now is a matter of her own inner debate. She says, “I’d be happy to go at any time. I’m done. I’ve outlived my expiration date.”
For any of the many thousands of child-porn victims in this country and abroad, ICAC’s McQuiston says, it is next to impossible to put their victimization behind them. “Even if the subject is convicted and sentenced, the images are still out there. There’s no way to ensure 100 percent they are removed. They keep popping up in different people’s collections.”
Zhdilkov says she understands victims who feel “a piece of you has been taken and it’s out there forever. But you’ve still got your soul.”
After Zhdilkov threw Greer out, she found numerous discs around the house that contained, she says, tens of thousands of images of child porn. Attorney Mooney says although he hadn’t reviewed the material Zhdilkov found at home, “we did not believe Greer was the source of it.” ICAC took away five computers and numerous hard drives, lap tops and discs. One image Zhdilkov says she found stuck in her mind. It was labeled, “I love elephants.” A naked girl stands, staring at the camera, surrounded by elephant figurines. The haunted look in the child’s eyes is the same look Zhdilkov sees in a photograph of herself at age 4 standing beside a Christmas tree. The FBI did not identify the little girl.
No clearer indication of the insurmountable problem child pornography poses for law enforcement is that less than 1 percent of children in child porn seized by the FBI are identified through cross-checking available databases. That said, there are still successes. ICAC’s McQuiston says Public Safety Department officer Steve Gamvroulas spent two months tracking down the address of a gas station from a partial name and a high school mascot’s name from images in a video relating to another case. “It’s very tedious work watching those videos over and over again,” McQuiston says. Three minors were identified and rescued, their tormentors put behind bars. “Thanks to Gamvroulas there are three victims who aren’t being raped on a daily basis anymore,” McQuiston says.
An arrest, as Zhdilkov knows, is in a sense only the beginning of the story for the victim, not the end. Caught between the betrayal of the two men she wanted to be loved by most in her life, she cannot say who is better or worse.
“I couldn’t conceive of what forgiveness meant after my father died,” she says. “I wanted an absolute guarantee he was in hell.” One day she found herself on her knees, telling God that Becker was in his hands now. That and her work helped put him behind her. “When I started looking back at the number of clients with abused histories I’d worked with, I’ve surpassed my father in helping more people than he hurt with the knowledge he gave me and that I wouldn’t have learned any other way,” she says. “That’s not a thank you to him. It’s kind of how good triumphs over evil.”
Getting over Greer, however, is another matter. She had so looked forward to growing old with him, talking over their memories.
“There is a big part of me that almost feels like Roger was worse. He saw the pain, he heard the pain, he knew what it was doing,” she says. “I never knew him.”
