8. Scruffy caddies and upper-crust golfers have to battle hilariously somewhere.

7. Same goes for psychotic groundskeepers, mischievous gophers and Kenny Loggins.

6. Face it: Golf courses are the only place where electric cars are worth a damn.

5. The only other sport the "athletes" of golf are in shape for is watching golf on TV.

4. You try closing a multi-million-dollar deal on a miniature golf course.

3. Without golf courses, it would be impossible to tell sportsmen apart from lesbians.

2. Water-sucking golf courses are a natural ecological element of the desert. It's science.

1. Without golf, Bud Lime-drinking white dudes in khaki shorts can convene only once a year at a 311 concert.