Free Will Astrology | May 22-28 | Free Will Astrology | Salt Lake City Weekly
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Culture » Free Will Astrology

Free Will Astrology | May 22-28



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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Even if you’re not sick, you need some medicine. What kind of medicine? The kind that can transform what’s pretty good about your life into something that’s really great; the kind that will super-animate your merely average efforts and blast you free of any lackadaisical attitudes you’ve come to accept as reasonable. This medicine won’t come in the form of a pill or a potion, but rather will be produced by your own body if and when you slip away from your comfort zone and go out to play in the frontier. Be your own doctor, Libra. Break your own trance. Crack your own code. Escape your own mind games.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your life in the coming weeks may resemble a dream of sailing deep beneath the waves in a yellow submarine where a nonstop party is going on. It’ll be as if you’re plowing through deep, heavy, murky waters inside a brightly lit high-tech vessel that is controlled by slightly chaotic connoisseurs of fun. You may feel a bit claustrophobic, but that could encourage your imagination to run wild, which will be a good thing as long as you don’t believe everything it tells you. In conclusion, Scorpio, get ready for entertaining adventures that will range from being a bit creepy to totally delicious.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
During America’s first war on Iraq in 1991, I prophesied that one day there’d be a Disneyland in Baghdad. It was a surrealistically sardonic send-up of my native country’s imperialism. But now, 17 years later, my absurd prediction is coming true. The same American company that designed the original Disneyland has announced plans to build the Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience. If workers survive bombing, looting, and sniper fire, the first part of the 50-acre amusement park will open this year. While I question whether building a monument to fun is a good idea in an actual war zone, it’s an excellent metaphor for you to apply to your personal life. Even if you can’t extinguish a certain conflict that has been raging, try to introduce a spirit of play into the proceedings.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I’m issuing a too-much-of-a-good-thing warning. Soaking up too much pleasure could dilute the value of your bliss. Expressing too much personal power could scare away valuable allies who are competent but not entirely confident. Pushing too hard on behalf of your creative pragmatism could subtly undermine the labor of love you’ve worked so hard on. Therefore, Capricorn, please accept my invitation to enjoy a period of rest and assimilation. You can return later for another round of pure intensity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Studies show that at least half the population would give up sex for a few months if they’d be rewarded for their abstinence with a free 60-inch plasma TV. But if you’re offered a deal like that anytime soon, Aquarius, I suggest you reject it. According to my analysis of the omens, it will be crucial to your mental, physical, and spiritual health to have regular erotic experiences during the coming weeks. If you don’t have a partner, have fun with your invisible muse, the angel in your dreams, or your personal version of God or Goddess.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
A professional dominatrix I know says that many of her clients are men whose jobs give them excessive authority over other people. When she’s bossing around these honchos, she sees herself as an agent of karmic correction, counteracting a dangerous lopsidedness in their psyches. I bring this up, Pisces, because you’re in a phase when you should rectify any imbalance of power that exists in your own sphere. If you’re a swaggering alpha male or female, put in a stint as a humble servant. If you’re normally a timid soul, flex your willpower with feisty abandon. If you’re neither a control freak nor a doormat—and thus have no karma to balance—spend quality time meditating on how to gain more power over the wild ebbs and flows of your imagination.

Go to for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.