ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Believe it or not, whatever has been limiting your movement has also been expanding your capacities. It’s true. The pinching sensation you’ve had to endure has been covertly generating psychic fuel that you will soon be able to access. Therefore, Aries, I say unto you: Praise your squelchers and constrictors! Be grateful for your stiflers and tweakers! They have primed you for the arrival of a luminous boon.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
“An uninterpreted dream is like an unopened letter,” says the Talmud. But professional dream researcher Stephen LaBerge thinks that’s too broad a statement. In his book Lucid Dreaming, he says dreams are more like poems than letters. If you try to extract literal meanings from them in the service of your ego, they may reveal nothing. But if you’re willing to find lyrical, unexpected information that could aerate your imagination and dislodge you from your habits, dreams are more likely to be useful. Keeping in mind everything I’ve said, Taurus, treat the events of your waking life in the coming week as if they were poems coming from a dreamy part of your psyche that’s enticing you to change your life.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
As you navigate your way through the challenges ahead of you, should you rely on what you know or on what you don’t know? That’s a good question. I’m inclined to advise you to go with what you know when it concerns your security, and to go with what you don’t know when you’re pursuing pleasure. So if you’re trying to come to a decision about what will make you feel at home, trust what the past has taught you. But as you seek creative inspiration and effervescent adventure, shed all precedents. P.S. This is one of those rare times when you can interweave comfort and thrills, safety and risk, tradition and novelty.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Her brush with sublime wisdom has done wonders for Paris Hilton. “Kabbalah helps you confront your fears,” she told Us magazine. “Like if a girl borrowed my clothes and never gave them back, and I saw her wearing them months later, I would confront her.” You can snicker if you like, but Paris’s testimony exemplifies my main point for you: It’s crucial that you get practical use out of your religion or spirituality. So please take measures to vigorously translate your highest ideals into your everyday actions. What would it mean, for example, to invite God to inhabit your lips as you kiss someone? Or to prepare your food as if you were going to offer it to a beloved saint? Or to speak every word as if it were a well-crafted prayer? Ask yourself 20 times a day, what would Buddha (or your greatest hero) do?
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
What you’re about to leave behind is helpful but a bit dull; it’s fortifying but old-fashioned; comforting but homely. What you’re headed toward, on the other hand, is invigorating, through slightly disruptive; it’s futuristic and amusingly confusing; interesting but also a real test of your flexibility. The transition may happen faster than you thought it would. Congratulations in advance on being a good-natured transformer.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
I hate to lay a sports metaphor on you, Virgo, let alone one articulated by a hockey player. But it’s such an apt description of the approach that will work best for you in the coming week, I had to bring it to your attention. “I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been,” quoth Wayne Gretzky. Apple CEO Steve Jobs liked those words so much, he made them his own when he introduced the iPhone to the public back in January 2007. Now I hope you will find a way to apply the idea in your own sphere.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Delfin Vigil interviewed the band Social Studies for the San Francisco Chronicle. He asked guitarist Aaron Weiss, “What is the meaning of life?” Here’s what Weiss said: “Wearing a big name tag, having something stuck in your teeth, walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe while awkwardly trying to hit on girls. Living on this planet is worthless without the proper amount of humility.” While I think that’s close to what the meaning of life has been for you recently, Libra, the definition will soon change to something like this: You come on stage to greet an adoring audience, do a riveting song and dance, then announce that you won’t be doing any more shows for a while because you’re about to go off and get busy on creating your next big splash.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Three enlightened teenagers I know have formed a gang called The Disciples. It’s dedicated to plying the dangerous arts of humility, curiosity, and optimism—three qualities that are so undervalued in our culture as to be almost taboo. Here’s their motto, which reveals how far they’re willing to go in order to listen well, keep their egos in check, and constantly scour their surroundings for reasons to be grateful: “We have no issues and no problems, but only questions.” I urge you to start your own branch of The Disciples, Scorpio—or at least work on cultivating their approach.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
A poet friend of mine hatched a scheme for writing a book in record time. He bought a round-trip ticket for a Greyhound bus that would take him from Oakland, California to New York City and back. He vowed that over the course of those nine grueling days and 6,000 miles, as he ate stale sandwiches from vending machines in bus stations and slept sitting up surrounded by strangers, he would churn out an epic-length poem about the experience of traveling cross-country on the most populist form of transportation. The experiment worked. His book was witty, shocking, and entertaining. I urge you to give yourself a comparable assignment, Sagittarius. Invoke the magic of a strict deadline to create something beautiful that will last a long time.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I would love to place an elegant gold crown on your head. I have the urge to declare you monarch of the expanding realm, maker of new laws, and re-shaper of the collective vision. Are you up for wielding that much power? Can you handle an increased level of responsibilities? Or would you prefer to preside over a smaller domain, content merely to keep the daily grind from erupting into chaos now and then? It’s mostly up to you. What do you want?
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Unable to control his appetite for prostitutes, New York’s Governor Elliot Spitzer destroyed his career. Many observers were aghast at the incomprehensibility of his sacrifice. But Phillip Weiss, writing in New York, said he understood. Spitzer desperately “wanted some ‘strange’”—novelty that’s hard to get when you make love with just one person for many years. That’s not the kind of variety I advise you to consider in the coming weeks, Aquarius. According to my reading of the omens, it will be prime time for you to seek out some “strange,”—but not through multiple lovers. Rather, embark on travels outside your usual haunts, entertain surprising ideas unlike any you’ve been willing to think about before, and pursue unpredictable encounters with people who have a lot to teach you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
In a story about author Gore Vidal in The Independent, Archie Bland reported on an event that happened just after Vidal’s parents were married. While traveling to their honeymoon, dad told mom, “‘There’s something very important I want you to know.” Mom grew radiantly expectant, imagining he was about to profess his love with a thrilling intensity. But dad had something else in mind. “I have three balls,” he confessed. In the coming week, Pisces, I suspect that one of your expectations will meet a fate similar to mom’s hope. But don’t fret. In the long run, the revelations that come are likely to be more interesting and valuable to you than the “I have three balls” shocker.
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.