ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Every day for 44 years, the German writer Karl Wilhelm von Humboldt composed a poem for his wife, the lively and brilliant Karoline von Dachroden. In accordance with your astrological potentials, Aries, I will ask you to briefly imitate his prodigious outpouring of creative love. Every day for the next two weeks, please find it in your wild heart to make a sublime, or at least gorgeous, offering to someone or something you adore.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
A recent National Geographic article reported on nudibranches: colorful, oddly shaped slugs that live in the sea. The members of a typical species, Nembrotha kubaryana, are whimsical blobs of neon green swirled with orange and purple. The slugs are “blind to their own beauty,” however, because their eyes can only register the difference between light and dark. The “blind to their own beauty” thing reminds me of you, Taurus—especially these days. Would you do me a favor and acknowledge your own charms more aggressively?
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
Jack Kerouac made a “list of 30 essentials,” themes that guided him as a writer. To mark your entry into the most expressive phase of your astrological cycle, I offer you a few of his guidelines. Even if you’re not a writer, they can be applied to how you create your life. 1. Submissive to everything, open, listening. 2. Be in love with yr life. 3. Something that you feel will find its own form. 4. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind. 5. Blow as deep as you want to blow. 6. Visionary tics shivering in the chest. 7. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind. 8. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog. 9. Accept loss forever. 10. Believe in the holy contour of life. 11. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge. 12. You’re a Genius all the time. (The whole list is here: TinyURL.com/6e93sm.)
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
The tabloids report that Cancerian Tom Cruise has plans to build a $10 million bunker designed to save him and his family when the evil alien overlord Xenu attacks Earth, fulfilling a prophecy of his religion, Scientology. If the reports do have a grain of truth, and Cruise has in fact been considering the project, now would be an excellent time for him to begin construction. I’m not saying that I believe Xenu’s on his way. My point is that you Crabs will place yourself in harmony with cosmic rhythms if you attend to matters that will bolster your security, help you feel safe and peaceful, and foster domestic bliss.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
“I do not seek, I find.” Pablo Picasso said that many years ago, and I hope you will use it as your motto in the coming days. It could help you keep your conscious mind out of the way while your unconscious mind works to bring you what you really require. In other words, Leo, you may miss the point if you’re obsessed with a specific answer or goal. It’ll be more important to stay alert for what you don’t even realize you need to know. Here’s a corollary to add to your main theme. “The true worth of an experimenter,” wrote physiologist Claude Bernard, “consists in his pursuing not only what he seeks, but also what he did not seek.”
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Many people who pray don’t limit their conversations with God to purely spiritual and ethical matters. In fact, money is one of the main subjects the Divine Wow is asked to address. If you’ve never had the chutzpah to do this yourself, I suggest you try it soon. Higher powers of all kinds, from your boss to the loan officer at the bank to the Creator Herself, may be unusually receptive to your pleas. I’m guessing you’ll be able to tap into financial help “from above,” or that you will make a connection with an elevated source of wealth that has previously been out of your reach.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Against all odds, you are finally finding a way to quit that nagging “addiction.” You’re shedding a dependency that isn’t worthy of you. You’re weaning yourself from a passion that hasn’t brought out the best in you. Congratulations on your hard, meticulous work, you epic hero, you. In the aftermath of your exacting struggle, please don’t immediately initiate another obsessive relationship with a new mania. Enjoy the benefits of being blank and clean and empty for a while.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
What reasons might you have to celebrate your own private holy day? Why might you want to go off by yourself or in the company of special people and conduct a reverent ritual that reinvigorates your knack for having fun? Here are some possible answers: 1. You’re overdue for a break from everything you usually do. 2. You’re hungry for the magic that happens when you take refuge in the sacred. 3. It’s time to stop the world and jump off long enough to break the trance you’re in. 4. You would generate uncanny blessings by paying tender attention to your origins, returning to your sources, and examining the foundations of your life.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Many Americans regard the Pledge of Allegiance as a supreme oath of loyalty to the United States. When I was a kid, we used to recite it to start each school day. Members of Congress still make it their opening salutation at every session. It’s not well known, though, that the Pledge was composed by a Socialist, Baptist minister Francis Bellamy. Republicans might swoon in apoplexy if you presented them with this proof that an extreme left-winger was a fervent patriot. But doing that would be right in alignment with your assignment in the coming week, Sagittarius. You will receive encouragement from the cosmos whenever you seek out and express facts that disprove prevailing biases and mistaken beliefs.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Norepinephrine is a hormone that can make you feel good even when it’s generated by stress. According to a study by the Positive Health Center in London, successful women produce that hormone in abundance. I have no medical research, just astrological guesswork, to back up my claim that you Capricorns will have a special relationship with norepinephrine in the coming weeks. As a result, high-pressure situations that might have sapped your energy or frayed your nerves in the past may actually energize you. You could find yourself having a blast as you push harder to foster excellence.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Aquarian hockey mom and Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin is a “cocky wacko,” according to former Republican Senator Lincoln Chafee. While it’s no surprise that a member of your tribe would be referred to as a wacko, the “cocky” designation is atypical. Many Aquarians never build a strong enough ego structure to feel as confident as they’d like, let alone slip into the realm of having too damned much confidence. So even though I disagree with most of Palin’s political positions, and harbor a deep sadness that a more thoughtful and compassionate person didn’t make it onto the Republican ticket, I urge you to cop some of her attitude in the coming days. Conduct experiments that will help you feel what it’s like to cruise around with more than your usual amount of pride.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Here’s one way to reduce global warming: inject huge amounts of sulfur into the atmosphere. So says Professor Tim Flannery, an Australian sustainability activist. What’s the best way to accomplish that? Add sulfur to jet fuel. The atmosphere would then repel a portion of the sun’s rays, leading to an effect called “solar dimming.” Oh, by the way: As a side effect, the planet’s sky would probably turn yellow—a rather extreme shift, Flannery acknowledges, but necessary if we want to save the environment. Are you contemplating an equally drastic step in your own personal sphere, Pisces? Before you decide to go in that direction, why not try a series of smaller, incremental actions with less dramatic consequences?
Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.