SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Physicist Stephen Hawking is skeptical of the hypothesis that humans might someday be able to travel through time. To jokingly dramatize his belief, he threw a party for time travelers from the future. Sadly, not a single chrononaut showed up to enjoy the Champagne and hors d'oeuvres Hawking had prepared. Despite this discouraging evidence, I guarantee that you will have the potential to meet with Future Versions of You on a regular basis during the next nine months. These encounters are likely to be metaphorical or dreamlike rather than literal, but they will provide valuable information as you make decisions that affect your destiny for years to come. The first of these heart-to-hearts should come very soon.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
During these last few weeks, you might have sometimes felt like smashing holes in the wall with your head, or dragging precious keepsakes into the middle of the street and setting them on fire, or delivering boxes full of garbage to people who don't appreciate you as much as they should. I hope you abstained from doing things like that. Now here are some prescriptions to help you graduate from unproductive impulses: Make or find a symbol of one of your mental blocks, and bash it to pieces with a hammer; clean and polish precious keepsakes, and perform rituals to reinvigorate your love for them; take as many trips to the dump as necessary to remove the congestion, dross and rot from your environment.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Singer-songwriter Tom Waits has a distinctive voice. One fan described it this way: "Like how you'd sound if you drank a quart of bourbon, smoked a pack of cigarettes and swallowed a pack of razor blades. Late at night. After not sleeping for three days." Luckily, Waits doesn't have to actually do any of those self-destructive things to achieve his unique tone. In fact, he's wealthy from selling his music, and has three kids with a woman to whom he's been married for 36 years. I foresee a similar potential for you in the coming weeks and months. You might be able to capitalize on your harmless weirdness, earn rewards by expressing your charming eccentricities and be both strange and popular.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Was punk rock born on June 4, 1976? A fledgling band known as the Sex Pistols played that night for a crowd of 40 people at a small venue in Manchester, England. Among the audience members was Morrissey, who got so inspired that he started his own band, The Smiths. Also in attendance was a rowdy guy who would soon launch the band Joy Division, despite the fact that he had never played an instrument. The men who would later form the Buzzcocks also saw the performance by Johnny Rotten and his crew. According to music critic David Nolan, these future pioneers came away from the June 4 show with the conclusion, "You don't have to be a virtuoso or a musical genius to be in a band; anyone can do it." I see parallels between this seminal event and your life in the coming weeks.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how," said dancer Agnes De Mille. "We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark." As true as her words might be for most of us much of the time, I suspect they don't apply to you right now. This is one of those rare moments when feeling total certainty is justified. Your vision is extra clear and farseeing. Your good humor and expansive spirit will ensure that you stay humble. As you take leap after leap, you'll be surrounded by light.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
"We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange," wrote author Carson McCullers. Are you ready to give that adage a twist, Taurus? In the coming weeks, I think you should search for foreign and strange qualities in your familiar world. Such a quest might initially feel odd, but will ultimately be healthy and interesting. It will also be good preparation for the next chapter of your life, when you will saunter out into unknown territory and find ways to feel at home there.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
"If you don't use your own imagination, somebody else is going to use it for you," said writer Ronald Sukenick. That's always true, but it will be especially important for you to keep in mind in 2017. You Geminis will have an unparalleled power to enlarge, refine, and tap into your imagination. You'll be blessed with the motivation and ingenuity to make it work for you in new ways, which could enable you to accomplish marvelous feats of creativity and self-transformation. Now here's a warning: If you don't use your willpower to take advantage of these potentials, your imagination will be subject to atrophy and colonization.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Why are Australian sand wasps so skilled at finding their way back home after being out all day? Here's their trick: When they first leave the nest each morning, they fly backward, imprinting on their memory banks the sights they will look for when they return later. Furthermore, their exiting flight path is a slow and systematic zigzag pattern that orients them from multiple directions. I recommend that you draw inspiration from the sand wasps in 2017, Cancerian. One of your important tasks will be to keep finding your way back to your spiritual home, over and over again.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
Vault 21, a restaurant in Dunedin, New Zealand, serves sautéed locusts. For $5, patrons receive a plate of five. The menu refers to the dish not as "Oily Sizzling Grasshoppers," but rather as "Sky Prawns." Satisfied customers know exactly what they're eating, and some say the taste does indeed resemble prawns. I bring this to your attention, Leo, because it illustrates a talent you will have in abundance during 2017: re-branding. You'll know how to maximize the attractiveness and desirability of things by presenting them in the best possible light.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
The literal translation of the German word Kummerspeck is "grief bacon." It refers to the weight gained by people who, while wallowing in self-pity, eat an excess of comfort food. I know more than a few Virgos who have been flirting with this development lately, although the trigger seems to be self-doubt as much as self-pity. In any case, here's the good news: The trend is about to flip. A flow of agreeable adventures is due to begin soon. You'll be prodded by fun challenges and provocative stimuli that will boost your confidence and discourage Kummerspeck.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
"Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable," wrote journalist Brenda Ueland. Pause for a moment and fully take in that fact, Libra. It's breathtaking and daunting. What a huge responsibility it is to be absolutely unique. In fact, it's so monumental that you might still be shy about living up to it. But how about if you make 2017 the year you finally come into your own as the awesomely unprecedented creature that you are? I dare you to more fully acknowledge and express your singular destiny. Start today!
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
"To dream ... to dream has been the business of my life," wrote author Edgar Allan Poe. I don't expect you to match his devotion to dreams in 2017, Scorpio, but I do hope you will become more deeply engaged with your waking fantasies and the stories that unfold as you lie sleeping. Why? Because your usual approaches to gathering useful information won't be sufficient. To be successful, both in the spiritual and worldly senses, you'll need extra access to perspectives that come from beyond your rational mind. Here's a good motto for you in 2017: "I am a lavish and practical dreamer."