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Wow ’em without breaking the bank.
By Enrique Limón

1. Brick Capsule ($9.99)
Conceptualized just outside Bear Lake, Brick Capsules are pretty much metal boxes for you to store treasures to be revealed at a later date (you choose anywhere between 10-100 years). In the meantime, they're stored at the site that once housed Idaho's Bank of Montpellier as an homage to Butch Cassidy, who along with two other outlaws held up the bank in 1896, and according to lore, was forced to stash some of the loot inside a brick so it wouldn't weigh them down. Who on earth will find your "treasure" is unknown. The company's website suggests you hide "a poem, a wish, a hope" inside. Another option would be a flash drive loaded with news footage of Electoral College results being called in on Nov. 8, so one day extraterrestrials can understand the planet's demise.
brickcapsule.com

2. Cahoots Original Soaps ($5.95) Want to knock it outta the park with a gift that's funny, useful and will actually make the recipient smell better? Gag retailer extraordinaire Cahoots on 9th and 9th has you covered with their line of in-house soaps. Grab a bar of "Virgin Restoration" or "Wash Away Your Sins: Utah Valley Mormon" edition and watch the cleansing unfold. The line also includes a breast enlargement version ("lather breasts with vigor," the instructions read) and a penis enlargement one that comes with a wanting: "If enlargement lasts for more than 4 hours, you da man." The jury is still out on whether or not that last one works. I mean, not that I would ever need such a product ... shit.
878 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City. 801-538-0606, cahootssaltlake.com

3. "Fancy" Wasabi Candy Canes ($4.95)
Employ these bad boys when those cutesy chocolates fashioned to look like coal just don't cut it. Hang a couple on the office Christmas tree, scatter some in the break room and surreptitiously leave one behind on Beth from accounting's desk. Wait a few minutes and grin a Grinchy grin as what was perceived to be minty goodness quickly turns into a pungent horseradish roundhouse-kick to your prey's tastebuds. What's that, Beth? Your kingdom for some milk? Sorry boo, that's for Santa.
552 S. 602 East, Salt Lake City. 801-363-0828, cabinfevercards.com

4. Handmade Shrinky Dinks Pins ($6)
Think of Daley's Clothing in Sugar House as a one-stop shop for the modern gentleman. It's stocked with everything from high-quality denim and flannel to vegan Dr. Martens, Biltwell moto helmets and boutique beard oil and hair pomade. Nowadays, however, no look is complete without a pin ... or five. Along with enamel and mini-button offerings, Daley's stocks Shrinky Dinks creations by local artist Chloe Monson that keep with her SLC Pink aesthetic and pay playful homage to the "badass ladies" that have inspired her career. Best part is, the arty accessories are Ula, the in-store cat, approved.
817 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City. 801-735-1422, daleysclothing.tumblr.com

5. Christmas Taffy ($7.50)
Adhering to the slogan "Perfection in confection," Taffy Town celebrates delivering the sweet goods for its 100th Christmas this year. To commemorate the occasion, why not gift someone special their gourmet salt water taffy? With an innumerable list of flavors in its roster (carrot cake being the latest addition), TT unloads this greatest-hits medley just in time for the holidays, packed with eggnog, cranberry, cookie and mint flavored taffy. It's perfect for when you want to say I care and I hope you lose a crown.
55 W. 800 South, Salt Lake City. 801-355-4652, taffytown.com

6. Poop Emoji Socks at Spark ($10)
If the fine folks over at Time magazine are looking to reconsider their person of the year, they should look no further than their smartphones. The smiley brown icon became a silent but powerful symbol during the presidential election as hackers managed to place it as the banner image on Trump's website during voting day; parody artist Hansky created an impressive fly-ridden Trumpoo-moji graffiti hybrid in the streets of New York over the summer that went viral; and back in March, one local protested the Orange One's presence at the Infinity Event Center with a clever sign featuring the emoticon and the slogan "Dump Trump." Caca comrades, unite!
310 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City. 801-467-1574, trolleysquare.com/spark