Eight reasons the July 15 Twilight Concert at Pioneer Park should be more manageable than the overcrowded opener with Modest Mouse:
8. Headliner Girl Talk isn’t even a real band, just some hipster with laptop. If a crush and/or deaths occur over that, it’s natural selection.
7. The chain-link fences will be electrified—by green power, as per Mayor Ralph Becker.
6. Headliner Girl Talk is only three steps above a wedding DJ. Utah weddings typically have better crowd control than concerts.
5. Police will be enforcing a no-fixed-gear-bikes policy for eight square blocks.
4. Headliner Girl Talk involves no actual musicians. Has that been mentioned?
3. Ted Dancin’ also plays Thursday night, at The Urban Lounge. Same show.
2. Beer will be sold out of Porta-Pottys, eliminating lines.
1. Headliner Girl Talk is getting paid thousands in tax dollars to play other people’s songs. This will bring out all 18 members of the SLC Tea Party.