Deep End: Now that the dust has settled from the recent elections, what is your perspective on the so-called “Year of the Woman?”
Ms. Smoot: Mixed results, as we like to say. On the one hand, you’ve got these new female governors—Susana Martinez in New Mexico, Mary Fallin in Oklahoma, and, my favorite, Nikki Haley in South Carolina.
Ms. S: She’s a breakthrough female politician, not because she’s a woman of color, a phrase I hate, but because she shows women can screw around like men and still get elected. Remember those affairs, or “alleged” affairs, I guess I should say? Another breakthrough female is out there in Utah, the gal from Provo who’s the new speaker of the house—what’s her name?
DE: Rebecca Lockhart.
Ms. S: The drawback there is that’s she’s fallen into the trap of saying women are special, saying that she can bring to the job some skills and insights that men don’t have.
DE: Don’t you agree that women are superior to men?
Ms. S: Not in politics, they aren’t. I think this past election should have proved that women can be just as dumb or nutso as men. Look at Sharron Angle in Nevada, Jan Brewer in Arizona, Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina in California. Then you’ve got crazies like Christine O’Donnell and the wrestling queen, Linda McMahon, in Connecticut; the one they have on tape kicking a guy in the nuts in the ring. She’s as bad as Carl Paladino in New York, the guy who threatens to take people out with the orange baseball bat.
DE: I guess you must not be a big fan of Sarah Palin.
Ms. S: She’s not so dumb, in my opinion. She’s smart enough to have become the front-runner for the Republican nomination for president in 2012.
DE: What about Utah’s favorite son, “Mit” Romney?
Ms. Smoot: He’s got vice president written all over him. He doesn’t have Sarah’s sex appeal. I’d love to see Sarah in the White House. She’d shake things up.
DE: What do you mean?
Ms. S: Well, I’ll tell you. There would be sparks flying as soon as the French guy, Sarkozy, comes for a visit. Or Putin—it wouldn’t be long before Palin and Putin were playing footsies under the state room dining table. It would be like the old days, when Cleopatra was hooking up with both Julius Caesar and Mark Antony.
DE: I don’t think Todd the First Dude would look kindly on that.
Ms. S: She’ll ditch him, mark my words. Too much of a drag to have him hanging around, waiting to punch out any guy who stares too long at his wife’s ass.
DE: So you really think Ms. Palin can get elected? Can’t Obama beat her?
Ms. S: Obama is the only person who can beat her. But the Obama I’m talking about is Michelle, not Barack.
DE: You can’t be serious.
Ms. S: Wait and see. It’s not any kind of secret that she is the real power in that duo. People in the know at the White House say Michelle is plenty frustrated at her husband’s nice-guy strategy. They say she’d like to pull a Linda McMahon on the guy with the orange face, Boner, or Beaner—or whatever his name is—the crying guy who will be speaker of the house.
DE: What about those stories about her hating life in the White House?
Ms. St: Here’s the thing. She hates it because she has to just sit back while Barack turns the other cheek. Michelle would rather kick some ass. She’s one tough mama.
DE: So you’d rather see the Tough Mama in the White House instead of the Mama Grizzly.
Ms. S: Not really. Michelle would actually get something done. After her fling with Putin, Palin would be a total disaster. But at least it would be fun to watch.