He's Got a Gub | News Quirks | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » News Quirks

He's Got a Gub



Curses, Foiled Again
Philippine authorities charged Jeane Napoles, 23, with tax evasion after she posted pictures on social media documenting her lavish lifestyle, including one showing her bathing in money. “We follow the Internet,” Bureau of Internal Revenue chief Kim Henares said. “That is where we heard about her.” (Agence France-Presse)

• Belgian authorities arrested Somali pirate chief Mohamed Abdi Hassan after luring him to Brussels by pretending they wanted him to act as an advisor “on a film project on maritime piracy,” federal prosecutor Johan Delmulle said. “The film was supposed to reflect his life as a pirate.” When Hassan and an accomplice landed to sign the movie contract, “they were awaited and taken into custody,” Delmulle said. (Agence France-Presse)

He’s Got a Gub
Nearly 100 patrons fled a theater at a shopping mall in Tigard, Ore., when a woman shouted “gun” after a man in his 70s urinated on a 14-year-old boy during the movie Prisoners. Police said the woman, who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, wasn’t aware of the urination incident or ensuing scuffle between the man and the boy’s father, but thought she heard someone say “gun” and shouted the word, causing the audience to panic and the theater and adjacent businesses to go into lockdown. Police official Jim Wolf said there was no weapon but added, “This was a good dry run for a real theater shooting.” (Portland’s KATU-TV and the Associated Press)

Criminal Act of the Week
Scottish authorities accused Dogan Arsian, 47, of staring at Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in her Glasgow office. The Glasgow Sheriff Court said his staring, which occurred during a three-month period, caused Sturgeon and people in the office “fear and alarm.” (Scotland’s STV)

Litigation Nation
Joan Hoyt, 61, sued the organization that administers law-school admissions tests because it denied her extra time to take the tests, plus a white-noise machine, a computer for her written essay and snacks. The lawsuit, filed in federal court in St. Louis, argues that Hoyt, who has learning and attention disabilities, needs these special accommodations because she is easily distracted, needs frequent breaks and “reads about 2 1/2 times slower than her peers.” Hoyt filed the suit even after the Law School Admission Council offered to grant her an additional 156 minutes of test time, arguing that she needs 210 minutes. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss
More than 33 million workers are eligible to have their student loans forgiven because they work in public-service jobs, according to the federal Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, but few teachers, soldiers, firefighters and law-enforcement officers take advantage of the options because programs to ease the financial burden are too complicated or confusing. (Associated Press)

• Since 1978, federal immigration officials have justified deporting individuals who assert American citizenship by applying a U.S. law that cites Article 314 of Mexico’s constitution, which deals with legitimizing out-of-wedlock births. The article doesn’t exist. The New Orleans-based 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals exposed its nonexistence while ruling against the Department of Homeland Security for applying the bogus provision in a case involving Sigifredo Saldana Iracheta, 49, who in the past 20 years has been deported four times and detained for two years. (ABA Journal)

• Pittsburgh residents are being ticketed for parking in their own driveways. They claimed they were unaware of the ordinance requiring a $225 zoning variance and permit to park closer than 30 feet to the street, but the Bureau of Building Inspection explained it has been on the books for years. Building-code officials only recently began issuing tickets to residents who park in driveways or “parking pads” in violation of property setbacks because neighbors have complained. (Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)

New-Time Religion
Pastor Tony Crank is trying to boost membership at his One Love Church in Eugene, Ore., with a campaign that proclaims “Church Sucks.” Insisting that people are turned off by churches focused more on sin and not enough on connecting people with God, Crank said he’s trying to appeal to people who’ve had bad church experiences by offering revamped services that last just over a half hour and a mix of contemporary and worship music. (The Christian Post)

Make Up Your Mind
After Britain’s National Health Service paid $7,757 for Josie Cunningham, 23, to receive breast implants so she could pursue her dream of becoming a model, the woman complained that her 36DD bust actually keeps her from getting work. She also said that she has been taunted through social media and even shouted at in public by people demanding their tax money back. Now she wants the NHS to pay to have the implants removed. “I don’t want to spend my life known as the girl with the massive NHS boobs,” she said, “so having smaller implants is the only option.” (Britain’s Daily Mail)

Digital Doctor
The Oklahoma Medical Board disciplined Dr. Thomas Trow for using Skype to treat patients with mental-health issues and prescribing dangerous drugs without seeing patients in person. Trow, who lives in Park Hill, Okla., said he believed that the Internet communications system was suitable for the practice of telemedicine. It isn’t, according to the board, which placed Trow on probation for two years. (Oklahoma City’s The Oklahoman)

Drinking-Class Hero
Michigan Rep. Brandon Dillon co-sponsored a bill that would amend the Liquor Control Act by making it an offense to “advertise or sell any glass of beer as a pint in this state unless the glass contains at least 16 ounces of beer.” Acknowledging that short pints aren’t the most crucial issue facing Michigan, Dillon explained, “A lot of people, I think, would appreciate knowing what they get when they order a pint.” (Associated Press)

Avoirdupois Follies
Alan Jackson, the lawyer for Liam Johnstone, 21, pleaded guilty in West Lothian, Scotland, on behalf of his client, who he said was unable to appear in court because he is “too fat” to leave his house. The 560-pound Johnstone was accused of using a stolen credit card four separate times to pay $194 for pizza delivery. (Britain’s Daily Mail)

After 9-year-old Tyler Weaver won his fifth consecutive prize for reading the most books during summer vacation, Marie Gandron, director of the Hudson Falls, N.Y., public library, said he should “step aside.” The boy completed 63 books in six weeks, giving him a total of 373 over the five contests. He “hogs” the contest, Gandron said. “Other kids quit because they can’t keep up.” (Glens Falls’ The Post-Star)

Compiled from the press reports by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.