8. “Can we get the rights to ‘Duh. Winning!’ for next year’s campaign? Make some calls.”
7. “Of course, in South Salt Lake. Where else would you dump an old washing machine?”
6. “Re: South Salt Lake: Hey, the people of this town elected me to clean it up. Dump your trash in Murray, please.”
5. “Since I take my orders directly from God, there’s no digital trail anyway.”
4. “Re: South Salt Lake: Sorry, I forgot we don’t have to use ‘washing machine’ as code for ‘dead escort’ anymore.”
3. “As long as it’s centrally located, one State Liquor Store should be enough for the sinners, uh, people. Right?”
2. “We’ll be off-planet in our taxpayer-funded escape shuttles long before constituents find out about the Doomsday Meteor.”
1. “What’s The Salt Lake Tribune complaining about? They endorsed me for governor, for heck’s sake.”
