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How Mitch the Grinch Stole Christmas

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis



"Even the meanest soul is moved by Christmas." Hold on Dr. Seuss, you haven't met Kentucky Sen. Mitch "Froggy" McConnell. The head powerbroker of the Republican-dominated Senate is saying "Bah humbug" to folks who are out of a job and about to get evicted for the holidays. Yes, Dr. Seuss, it "may be that his heart is two sizes too small." You see, Itchy Mitchy doesn't want corporations, like meat-packing plants, to be legally liable when their employees die from COVID, so he won't make a deal with Democrats until they scratch that provision from the emergency aid legislation. Mitch the Grinch knows who's stuffing his stockings, and it's not working people. No, it's the big money guys and corporations that keep making his Christmases bright and ensure he keeps power to wreak havoc over all of Whoville. "I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming!" cried Mitch the Grinch. Well, Dr. Seuss, they say we get the government we deserve, and maybe folks in Kentucky like this Grinch. After all, the rich stole their money fair and square, and if Mitch has his way, working folks will "find out now that no Christmas is coming at all!"

Superhero 'Mr. Unity' Strikes Again
Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Look, up in the air, it's a bird, it's a plane—no, it's that dipshit Mike Lee thinking he's Superman again. Here are some of the Utah senator's gems: The U.S. isn't a democracy; he says he's a constitutional expert; and taxes on the rich are un-American. Now, in the name of "national unity," SuperMike has single-handedly stopped the creation of a National Museum of the American Latino. "[I]t does not celebrate diversity; it weaponizes diversity," said SuperMike. It will "loose Orwellian mobs to cancel anyone daring to express an original thought." WTF. That's rich coming from a guy who supported the most divisive president in our history. The Smithsonian previously dedicated museums to African Americans and Native Americans, but this is different, Lee surmised with his signature pretzel logic. SuperLee's lone vote also killed a women's museum to the chagrin of Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine: "Surely, in a year where we are celebrating the 100th anniversary of women's suffrage, this is the time to finally pass the legislation to establish an American women's history museum in our nation's capital," Sorry, that would be Orwellian, where idiots have control and think they are more equal than others.

Hey Republicans, Nixon Ain't Lookin' So Bad
Have you ever noticed how Republicans hate talking about Richard Nixon. Nixon who? They do remember John F. Kennedy fondly, however, as if he was one of their own. Ten years from now, after the mass hysteria dies away, and Trump is convicted of tax fraud and god knows what else, will they still rave about him like he was the Second Lincoln. Will they look back and say he was cheated in the 2020 election? Stop the steal! Will they say the Supreme Court screwed the pooch when it denied legal action by Texas that said elections in Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin were all bogus, based on nothing whatsoever? Or, like Watergate, will they simply pretend it never happened. What would possess 17 state attorneys general and 126 members of Congress to sign on as if the suit was more than a blatant sham. In 2016, candidate Trump said "only he" could fix our problems. Ten years from now, will Trumpers dare read about the president who screwed up just about everything, or will they simply turn on WWE's Wrestle-mania to get their Trump fix? The fact is, we'll all have to look back with shame at the time Trump's party tried to destroy our democracy—except, of course, for those who know no shame. Trump who?

Postscript—Well, here we are, decking the halls for COVID Christmas. Unfortunately, Santa isn't bringing vaccines for stocking stuffers, but maybe the Easter Bunny will along with colored eggs and chocolate. Of course, that doesn't mean you can't hang syringes from the Christmas tree as ornaments for a hopeful holiday. Speaking of which, Wilson and the band say the New Year won't begin until Jan. 20 at noon when Donald Trump will be dragged from the White House kicking and screaming. Imagine a world without Trump and COVID. If that can't brighten your spirits, nothing will. Of course, the president and all his helpers are working furiously to wreck things before they take their place in history. For example, contractors are working around the clock on the southern border trying to erect as much of Trump's wall as they can before Joe Biden can put a stop to the madness. The wall was never going to stop illegal immigration, but it was one of Trump's mightiest symbols—hate immigrants. Now the unfinished and idiotic project will become a symbol of his presidency. Fortunately for American taxpayers, Mexico paid for it. And if Trump supporters believe that, then surely we can believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny. OK, Wilson, what have you and the guys up your sleeves to celebrate the meaning of this holiday season:

The streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchants' windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurrying to their homes
As the sky darkens and freezes
Will be gathering around the hearths and tables
Giving thanks for all God's graces
And the birth of the rebel Jesus

We guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when Christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor
They get the same as the rebel Jesus

But pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgment
For I've no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In this life of hardship and of earthly toil
We have need for anything that frees us
So, I bid you pleasure, and I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus.

—"The Rebel Jesus"—Jackson Brown