Eight actions that will get you cited and/or arrested by the Salt Lake Police Department on Main Street downtown:
8. Urinating on KUTV 2’s studio wall.
7. Urinating on KUTV 2’s reporters during street shots (Ron Bird excluded).
6. Arriving to work before 11 a.m. (City Weekly employees only).
5. Staging bridal-fashion shoots with models who’ve clearly never been outside of Sandy.
4. Failure to refrain from pointing and laughing at SLPD officers on Segways.
3. Skateboarding over the age of 30; reading Utah Stories under the age of 40.
2. Eating at Jimmy John’s when there are, like, a dozen good sandwich shops in the area.
1. Impersonating a Juggalo.