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Hunter Biden's 'Johnson' and the Real Scandal

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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There was a surprise witness at the recent House Oversight Committee hearing on an alleged tax fraud coverup—Hunter Biden's schwanzstucker.

Nude photos of the president's son were key pieces of evidence entered by Georgia stateswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. They allegedly show a naked Hunter Biden making porn videos with sex workers.

“This is actually the evidence that I believe the American people deserve to see," Greene argued.

No Wilson, you just can't unsee that. Hunter should be tarred and feathered, and his father impeached and exiled.

It goes back to 2020 when Rudy Giuliani was sniffing out Hunter's business dealings with a Ukrainian energy company as the 2020 election loomed. That led then-President Donald Trump to tell Volodymyr Zelenskyy to investigate Joe Biden and Hunter, or he might withhold $400 million in military aid that had already been allocated. Trump was impeached by House Democrats for abuse of power and obstruction of Congress but acquitted by Senate Republicans.

No wonder House Republicans are pissed off. The Bidens are so shameless while Trump is getting blamed for silly stuff like insurrection, stealing classified documents, election interference and fraudulent hush money payments to his very own porn star. It's just so unfair.

Is Ken Really Barbie's GBF?

Hold on to your Barbie, Ken is not her boyfriend. He’s Barbie’s GBF — gay best friend. No Wilson, we are not making this up. That's the word from Barry Levitt, writing for The Daily Beast. And he's not the first to say it.

When Mattel rolled out Ken in 1961, he was portrayed as Barbie's boyfriend. “Get both Barbie and Ken and see where the romance will lead!” a TV commercial promised. The couple later starred in the 2010 animated film Toy Story 3, where they appear as a young couple.

Sure, they're good friends, Levitt says, “But through it all, there’s not a hint of sexual chemistry.” When Ken gets his big chance at the Dreamhouse he takes Barbie into his closet. (No pun intended.) But instead of going for it, Ken puts on a fashion show for Barbie. OMG!

“In Barbie, Ken has found someone who really understands him,” Levitt explains.

In 1993 Mattel introduced Magic Earring Ken, who wore a lavender mesh shirt, a matching purple leather vest and a necklace with an “O” ring reflecting his sexual preference. Mattel inadvertently made him the essence of '90s queer fashion. Oops! Gay commentator Dan Savage gave him a nice coming out, much to Mattel's chagrin and Earring Ken became a gay icon. Sales were brisk but not just to the parents of little girls. He was sooo hot.

Slavery was Cool, Primed Blacks for the Good Life

Florida is way ahead of the rest of America's red states when it comes to rolling back the clock to the good ol' days.

Gov. Ron DeSantis and the Florida Board of Education have set new standards for African American history that tells the real story of how slavery gave Black people the opportunity to develop skills they would later use when sharecropping and running from the Ku Klux Klan. The new K-12 standards put to rest the myths by liberal educators that slavery didn't have an upside. What about all that singing?

Liberal teachers have been indoctrinating young people into thinking America isn't really great. But now high school students will be taught the truth, like the deadly white mob attack against Black residents of Ocoee, Florida in 1920—where 35 or more Black people were killed—was really violence against African Americans by African Americans. Let freedom ring.

DeSantis has been working diligently to create an educational system that protects white students from feeling guilty for bad stuff that might not have happened. Last year he signed the Stop WOKE Act to restrict the teaching of liberal hogwash. Today, many Blacks get big money for things their forebears learned on the plantations, like smithing horseshoes, digging ditches, and picking cotton. Is this a great country or what?

Postscript—That's gonna do it for another historic week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of Mormon history, so you don't have to. A new book by Eileen Hallet Stone looks at the history of prostitution in the Territory of Deseret and the early years of the State of Utah. But oddly, it was not celebrated in this year's Days of '47 Parade—there was no Prostitution Float, Wilson, and we're not sure why.

Salt Lake City, Ogden and Park City have rich histories of bordellos. Regent Street, downtown in the capital city, was a hotbed of such commerce. And a special train ran from downtown Saturday afternoon to the bottom of Heber Avenue in Park City, the mining town's red-light district. It would return to Salt Lake City in time for Sunday services. Men will be men.

Speaking of harlots, Barbie is driving the right bonkers. Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro posted a video of himself burning Barbie dolls and then launching into a 43-minute tirade against the Barbie movie, saying it is the most woke thing he's ever seen. Texas Sen. Ted Cruz said the movie features Chinese propaganda. And talk radio host Charlie Kirk said the film is “trans propaganda” and “the most disgusting thing he's ever seen.”

Those are the GOP's new ideas on how to tackle the important issues of our time.

Well Wilson, Barbie has set the country on its ear with way too much psycho and psychoanalysis. But we know you and the guys in the band won't overthink it. Barbie is a doll for little girls to fantasize about their futures, whether they be housewives or astronauts. So, let's just skip all the Freudian drama and go back to having fun. Hit it, Wilson:

Well, she got her daddy's car
And she cruised through the hamburger stand, now
Seems she forgot all about the library
Like she told her old man, now
And with the radio blasting
Goes cruising just as fast as she can, now

And she'll have fun, fun, fun 'til her daddy takes the T-bird away

Well, the girls can't stand her
'Cause she walks, looks and drives like an ace, now
She makes the Indy 500 look like a Roman chariot race, now
(You look like an ace now, you look like an ace)
A lot of guys try to catch her
But she leads them on a wild goose chase, now

And she'll have fun, fun, fun 'til her daddy takes the T-bird away
(Fun, fun, fun, 'til her daddy takes the T-bird away)

Well, you knew all along
That your dad was gettin' wise to you, now
And since he took your set of keys
You've been thinking that your fun is all through now
But you can come along with me
'Cause we've got a lot of things to do, now

And we'll have fun, fun, fun now that daddy took the T-bird away
And we'll have fun, fun, fun now that daddy took the T-bird away
Wooo-ooo-Aaaah!
"Fun, Fun, Fun"— The Beach Boys

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