A reader named Christy recently wrote in to ask: “Will there be a Santa Pub Crawl in Salt Lake City this year?” We had no idea what that group of crazy drunks was planning, so we asked Derek Meik, a frequent hot tipper who always seems to have his fingers on the pulse of the more bizarre goings-on about town.

When even that came back negatory, we decided to go straight to the source—Babs DeLay herself. Seems Babzilla started the Santa Pub Crawl more than a decade ago with friends Steve and Bruce but, unfortunately, when she washed her hands of the proceedings in 2006, “it became too big and unwieldy, herding around 300 Santas like cats,” and the event splintered into at least three different factions. Nobody seemed to have the strength of will to carry on.

So this is just to say to the remaining Santa crawlers: Get it together! Are you not elves? Even if Babs isn’t there to hold your hand, it could still be the most wonderful time of the year.

Get on Santa-Crawls.com and get it done. You’ve got 19 drinking days till Christmas.