Lake Effect | Be Prepared | Lake Effect | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » Lake Effect

Lake Effect | Be Prepared

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The Federal Emergency Management Agency, reporting from its new top-secret, super-scary Lair of Doom, aka the Department of Homeland Security, has determined that an earthquake of sufficient magnitude in Salt Lake City would kill people. Not only that, but buildings would fall down.

According to Bob Carey, earthquake coordinator, the report will help motivate people to better prepare for a quake. But what can one person possibly do to fight a whole earthquake? Since The Big One is not a question of if, but when, we brainstormed to come up with four ways your family can prepare for the immanent disaster:

• Relocate two-years’ supply from basement to roof for easier access.

• Move from house made out of bricks into safe and fun Bouncy Castle.

• Stock up on extra-jiggly food supplies such as Jell-O and marshmallows.

• Join a creepy survivalist militia for protection when society breaks down and chaos reigns.