nAsk homophobes why gays and lesbians should not have equal rights, and they are likely to give you any number of reasons, including: n

• Gays are a threat to traditional marriage.

n

• Gays already have equal rights, and are only seeking special treatment.

n

• Gays represent society’s moral decline.

n

• Same-sex marriages don’t produce children. (Shh! Don’t tell them about adoption or in vitro.)

n

Indeed, a homophobe will tell you just about anything but the truth, which is:

n

• I just don’t like gay people.

n

• A hatred of gays is the organizing principle upon which my value system is based.

n

• There’s no such thing as homophobia, you gay-loving pervert.

n

Kudos, then, to Valerie Mills of Bountiful who, during an interim session of the Legislature last week, proposed a new addition to the shopworn litany for those who suffer from the phobia that dare not speak its name.

n

• Anxiety over the marriage-rights issue causes obesity in children.

n

There you have it! Gay marriages may not make children—but, apparently, they make children fat.