The stars are out again in Utah—or at least Lindsay Lohan is. America’s Darling warmed Utah hearts by choosing our state, out of all 50, to serve her DUI rehab over the summer. (Ordinary mortals get a year in jail and have to stay where they’re put. Perhaps it’s time for a “prison choice” voucher program.)
Now, Lohan has announced—in an OK! magazine interview—that she will stay in Utah to avoid temptation. Obviously, the tourism board hasn’t got to her yet, or she’d know this is just the kind of image we’re trying to avoid.
We’re not clean and wholesome and temptation-free. There’s plenty of booze here. And drugs, too. Why, I’m totally baked right now, as I’m writing this. Check it out: What if the whole universe were the size of the period at the end of the last sentence? Whoa! There is no period at the end of this sentence. Whoa!!!