7. Library Square—booze, books and bums; natural fit.
6. The old Planet Fitness on 300 South, since it already smells like a foot.
5. The vacated Gateway Dick’s Sporting Goods—Utah’s first multi-story booze superstore!
4. ... or the soon-to-be-out-of-business Sears on State—Utah’s first multi-story booze superstore with convenient taco carts!
3. The Eagles Building, one block east on West Temple. C’mon, if we all pitch in, we could get everything moved over Pioneer Day weekend.
2. Leave it up to SLC Mayor Jackie Biskupski—she’ll just move it to South Salt Lake; everybody wins.
1. Nowhere near the City Weekly office because alcohol is no longer allowed because WTF is that about? Unacceptable!