Making the Heart Grow Fonder | Rant Control | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » Rant Control

Making the Heart Grow Fonder


Rant Control knew that when City Weekly printed a pro-abstinence letter from a self-proclaimed 30-something-year-old virgin, readers would be enthralled (“Abstinence Is the Only Way,” July 2). Some readers reportedly entertained themselves by turning Ken Thomas’ prose into a dramatic monologue.

As Black Mamba said, “Most will go for the ol’ rub ’n’ tug any day over abstinence. And, Ken, once you have sex, you’ll throw away those posters of Sarah Palin you keep thumb-tacked to the ceiling over your bed.”

Which brings us to a burning issue of our time: Why is it that so many Republicans think Sarah Palin is such a hottie? I mean, she’s nice-enough looking. Kind of geeky. She looks clean, anyway. But, is that the same as hot? Obviously, these Republican horndogs are the same ones who pretend Ann Coulter is sexy.

I think that since the GOP has run out of ideas, it just wants to be thought of as “the party of hot women.” And, in the best Republican tradition, they figure if you say something over and over enough, and if you believe in it really hard, it automatically becomes true.

Still, it explains one thing: If Palin and Coulter are the best sex symbols they’ve got, it’s no wonder Republicans prefer abstinence.