March 7-13: Man of Mystery | Free Will Astrology | Salt Lake City Weekly
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Culture » Free Will Astrology

March 7-13: Man of Mystery

Add an innovative element to your identity, Pisces

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
In the 1997 film Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, the lead character announces that “‘Danger’ is my middle name.” Ever since, real people in the U.K. have been legally making “Danger” their middle name with surprising regularity. I think it would be smart fun for you Pisceans to add an innovative element to your identity in the coming days, maybe even a new middle name. But I recommend that you go in a different direction than “Danger.” A more suitable name might be “Changer,” to indicate you’re ready to eagerly embrace change. Or how about “Ranger,” to express a heightened desire to rove and gallivant?

ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Are you between jobs? Between romantic partners? Between secure foundations and clear mandates and reasons to get up each morning? Probably at least one of the above. Foggy whirlwinds may be your intimate companions. Being up-in-the-air could be your customary vantage point. During your stay in this weird vacationland, please abstain from making conclusions about its implications for your value as a human being. Remember these words from author Terry Braverman: “It is important to detach our sense of self-worth from transitional circumstances, and maintain perspective on who we are by enhancing our sense of ‘self-mirth.’“ Whimsy and levity can be your salvation, Aries. Lucky flux should be your mantra.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
The renowned cellist Yo Yo Ma once came to the home of computer pioneer Steve Jobs and performed a private concert. Jobs was deeply touched, and told Ma, “Your playing is the best argument I’ve ever heard for the existence of God, because I don’t really believe a human alone can do this.” Judging from the current astrological omens, Taurus, I’m guessing you will soon experience an equivalent phenomenon: a transcendent expression of love or beauty that moves you to suspect that magic is afoot. Even if you are an atheist, you are likely to feel the primal shiver that comes from having a close brush with enchantment.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
In my dream, I was leading a pep rally for a stadium full of Geminis. “Your intensity brings you great pleasure,” I told them over the public address system. “You seek the company of people who love you to be inspired. You must be appreciated for your enthusiasm, never shamed. Your drive for excellence doesn’t stress you out, it relaxes you. I hereby give you license to laugh even louder and sing even stronger and think even smarter.” By now the crowd was cheering and I was bellowing. “It’s not cool to be cool,” I exulted. “It’s cool to be burning with a white-hot lust for life. You are rising to the next octave. You are playing harder than you have ever played.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22)
“My old paintings no longer interest me,” said the prolific artist Pablo Picasso when he was 79 years old. “I’m much more curious about those I haven’t done yet.” I realize it might be controversial for me to suggest that you adopt a similar perspective, Cancerian. After all, you are renowned for being a connoisseur of old stories and past glories. One of your specialties is to keep memories alive and vibrant by feeding them with your generous love. To be clear, I don’t mean that you should apologize for or repress those aptitudes. But for now—say, the next three weeks—I invite you to turn your attention toward the exciting things you haven’t done yet.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
I recommend that you sleep with a special someone whose dreams you’d like to blend with yours. And when I say “sleep with,” I mean it literally; it’s not a euphemism for “having sex with.” To be clear: Making love with this person is fine if that’s what you both want. But my main point is that you will draw unexpected benefits from lying next to this companion as you both wander through the dreamtime. Being in your altered states together will give you inspiration you can’t get any other way. You won’t be sharing information on a conscious level, but that’s exactly the purpose: to be transformed together by what’s flowing back and forth between your deeper minds. For extra credit, collaborate on incubating a dream. Read this: http://tinyurl.com/dreamincubation.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
“One chord is fine,” said rock musician Lou Reed about his no-frills approach to writing songs. “Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you’re into jazz.” I recommend his perspective to you in the coming weeks, Virgo. Your detail-oriented appreciation of life’s complexity is one of your finest qualities, but every once in a while—like now—you can thrive by stripping down to the basics. This will be especially true about your approach to intimate relationships. For the time being, just assume that cultivating simplicity will generate the blessings you need most.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
You Librans haven’t received enough gifts, goodies, and compliments lately. For reasons I can’t discern, you have been deprived of your rightful share. It’s not fair! What can you do to rectify this imbalance in the cosmic ledger? How can you enhance your ability to attract the treats you deserve? It’s important that we solve this riddle, since you are entering a phase when your wants and needs will expand and deepen. Here’s what I can offer: I hereby authorize you to do whatever it takes to entice everyone into showering you with bounties, boons, and bonuses. To jumpstart this process, shower yourself with bounties, boons, and bonuses.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
“The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing,” wrote the Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius more than 1,800 years ago. Is that true for you, Scorpio? Do you experience more strenuous struggle and grunting exertion than frisky exuberance? Even if that’s usually the case, I’m guessing that in the coming weeks your default mode should be more akin to dancing than wrestling. The cosmos has decided to grant you a grace period—on one condition, that is: You must agree to experiment more freely and have more fun that you normally allow yourself.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
For the itch you are experiencing, neither chamomile nor aloe vera will bring you relief. Nor would over-the-counter medications like calamine lotion. No, Sagittarius. Your itch isn’t caused by something as tangible as a rash or hives, and can’t be soothed by any obvious healing agent. It is, shall we say, more in the realm of a soul itch—a prickly tickle that is hard to diagnose, let alone treat. I’m guessing that there may be just one effective cure: Become as still and quiet and empty as you possibly can, and then invite your Future Self to scratch it for you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
The world is awash in bright, shiny nonsense. Every day we wade through a glare of misinformation and lazy delusions and irrelevant data. It can be hard to locate the few specific insights and ideas that are actually useful and stimulating. That’s the bad news, Capricorn. Here’s the good news: You now have an enhanced ability to ferret out nuggets of data that can actually empower you. You are a magnet for the invigorating truths you really need most.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
If you come up with an original invention, apply for a patent immediately. If you think of a bright idea, put it to work as soon as possible. If you figure out crucial clues that everyone else seems blind to, dispel the general ignorance as quickly as you can. This is a perfect moment for radical pragmatism carried out with expeditious savvy. It’s not a time when you should naively hope for the best with dreamy nonchalance. For the sake of your mental health and for the good of your extended family, be crisp, direct, and forceful.

Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.