Curses, Foiled Again
Police who accused Alexander Katz, 19, of stealing a car in Logan, Utah, said he and his girlfriend had to abandon the vehicle and call a cab because he didn't know how to drive a stick shift. The car's owner spotted the vehicle being driven off and called police, who found Katz and his girlfriend waiting outside a nearby convenience store for their cab. Police Chief Gary Jensen said that although Katz couldn't drive a stick shift, his girlfriend could and was giving him directions while they tried making their getaway. "I'm not 100 percent certain why she doesn't just get around and get in the driver's seat so they can take the car and use it," Jensen said. (Atlanta Journal Constitution)

• A shoplifting suspect in Okaloosa County, Fla., managed to evade sheriff's deputies chasing him but only after his car hit several mailboxes, which ripped off the car's entire rear bumper. The license plate was attached. Deputies traced the plate to Devin Ramoe Stokes, 20, who told them he was sorry for the deed and the damage. (Northwest Florida Daily News)

Ablution Solution
Spas in Japan now offer ramen-noodle baths. The baths are filled with ramen pork broth and synthetic noodles. Soaking in the broth is said to be good for the skin and to boost metabolism. "Lately people are very concerned about having beautiful skin, and they know the effect of collagen, which is contained in our pork-based broth," said Ichiro Furuya, owner of the Yunessan Spa House in Hakone. (Time)

• Azerbaijan's Naftalan Heath Center now offers oil baths, which the spa's doctor insisted cures up to 70 ailments. "Naftalan kills everything: viruses, bacteria and fungi. Its consistency is unique and pure. It does not contain any dirt," Dr. Hashim Hashimov said, adding that customers are allowed only 10 minutes in the tub before scraping down and showering off the sticky substance, which is then used for the next customer. "Usually we lose some material on each person, and every time we add material for each person. But to dump the whole thing is impossible, as the material is expensive." (International Business Times)

Private Justice
The backlog of court cases in Florida is prompting people waiting for trials to turn to private judges. They promise speedy and private settlements, "not in open courtroom, where everyone and their brother is attending," said Robert Evans, a public judge for 20 years before he went private. "My marketing motto is: 'How would you like your trial tomorrow?'" Orange County Chief Judge Fred Lauten conceded that "private judging comes with a cost," pointing out that people who "can't even afford an attorney ... they're not going to be able to afford a private judge." (Orlando's WKMG-TV)

• Los Angeles County authorities charged David Henry, Tonette Hayes and Brandon Kiel with impersonating police officers after the three showed up, two of them in uniform, as a "courtesy call" to inform sheriff's Capt. Roosevelt Johnson they were from the Masonic Fraternal Police Department and setting up operations in the area. The agency's website claims jurisdiction in 33 states and Mexico and, through the Knights Templar, traces the department's roots back 3,000 years. "When asked what is the difference between the Masonic Fraternal Police Department and other police departments, the answer is simple for us," the website says. "We were here first." Henry, 46, identifies himself as "Chief Henry 33," and the website refers to him as "Absolute Supreme Sovereign Grandmaster." Johnson said the purpose of the purported police department is unclear. (Los Angeles Times)

Anchors Away
Canada's National Defence decided to decommission a 45-year-old navy supply ship without a replacement because mechanics in Halifax were spending a "disproportionate amount of time" keeping the vessel operating, according to official documents, by trying to locate spare parts, "some of which have been procured via eBay." The original manufacturers long ago stopped making the parts; some were reportedly "beyond acceptable limits" because corrosion was compromising structural integrity. The vessel, HCMS Preserver, had been scheduled for decommissioning but was kept afloat after the government canceled funding for its replacement in 2008. Building a new one will take at least eight years. (The Canadian Press)

Sign of the Times
Utah Valley University has designated a lane for texting on the stairs of its Student Life & Wellness Center. Two other dedicated lanes, distinguished by neon-green stripes, are for walkers and runners. Amy Grubbs, the school's director for campus recreation, acknowledged that not every texter sticks to the lane, noting some "don't even see it because they're so consumed in their phones." (ABC News)

Matchmakery
Iran has launched a state-supported matchmaking website. Deputy Minister of Youth Affairs and Sports Mahmoud Golzari cautioned that "Find Your Equal" is not a dating site. Its goal is to produce 100,000 new marriages in the coming year. "We have high demand for marriage and 11 million [young single adults] who are increasing every day," Golzari said. Marriages are necessary to overcome Iran's declining birthrate, according to the government, which last year banned vasectomies and permanent birth control measures in women. Officials, including supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, have publicly urged couples to have more babies to repudiate "undesirable aspects of Western lifestyles." (The Washington Post)

Short Fuses
Haden Smith, 18, demanded that his mother intervene to mend his relationship with his girlfriend and threatened to kill her chickens if she didn't. Deputies in Limestone County, Ala., said Smith vowed he'd kill a chicken every 15 minutes and gave her a deadline of noon. When the deadline passed, he started sending her picture messages of each dead chicken. He got to six before deputies arrived and arrested him. (Tribune Media Wire)

• Tired of waiting at a hospital's emergency room in Morganton, N.C., Katlyn Milligan, 20, set off the sprinklers, resulting in "copious amounts of water" pouring down, according to the police report. Milligan, who was waiting for a relative to be treated, said that after two hours, she couldn't wait any longer, so she went into a bathroom and held her lighter to the sprinkler. Cleanup delayed ER operations another two hours "at the busiest time of the day," Nursing Administrator David Everhart said. Milligan herself had to be taken to the ER to check for effects from exposure to the sprinkler's stagnant water. After she was released, police arrested her. (New York Daily News)

Compiled from mainstream news sources by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.