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Miss Nueve 2016

Nine other pageants we'd like to see:

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9. Mr. Anything but a Bagpipe: Best busker in SLC.
8. Lungs Of Steel Pageant: Most impressive inversion-induced ailment (Sponsored by Wasatch Steel).
7. The Speak Easiest Pageant: Most pretentious new restaurant in the city.
6. Mr. You-Know-There's-Change-in-Your-Bag-Somewhere: The search for downtown's pushiest panhandler.
5. The "I really hope there's an open sewer nearby" pageant: SLC's smelliest street corners on display for all to smell.
4. Miss Swift Lake City: Best T. Swift lookalike at City Creek.
3. Fattest Cat Pageant: The richest folks with the fattest felines.
2. Mr. Misdirection: Utah's vaguest PR spokesperson.

1. Inner Beauty Pageant: Utah's most "They're cuter in person" Facebook friend.

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