Moron Takeover | Letters | Salt Lake City Weekly
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Moron Takeover



A few weeks ago, I posted the following question on my Facebook page for the amusement of my friends and family: “Do you know what pisses me off?” I asked rhetorically, followed by my own sarcastic answer, “Pretty much everything.”

Morons make me especially mad. (Moron: noun, informal: a person who is notably stupid or lacking in good judgment.) After 54 years of living, I have met my share of morons, and I don’t tolerate them well. So when I read John Rasmuson’s “Mr. Grumpy” [Oct. 10, City Weekly], I was relieved to know that I’m not alone in my curmudgeonliness. After all, is it unreasonable to expect most people not to be morons most of the time?

Morons are everywhere. There was the bimbo twit clutching the cell phone to her ear while she weaved all over the lane in front of me. Awash in solipsism, she was so lost in conversation it was as if she were the only person on the planet. She’ll kill someone someday and claim it was their fault. She’s a moron by choice.

I’d like to acknowledge the guy who thought he was being polite by letting me make a left turn in front of him. He was facing me at an intersection and signaling to turn right. This gave him the right-of-way, only he didn’t know it. He was blocking the car behind him and I kept motioning him to go.

The light turned yellow, then red. I finally turned left in front of him, muttering profane utterances that I wished he could hear. The two cars behind me that could have turned left had to wait for the next green light. Sir, you don’t mean to be a moron, but you are.

The funny thing is, he probably thought I was a moron, too.

We’re all morons from time to time, but some people excel at it. Even intelligent people can become morons behind the wheel of a car. Others make careers of being morons by becoming senators and congressmen. In so doing, they make us all look like morons, even if we didn’t vote for them. If morons had their own country, Mike Lee would be their king.

Utah is governed by morons because, apparently, the proletariat majority who vote for them enjoy being subjugated by the clueless tyranny of moronic clowns. Is it any wonder that sensible Utahns are pissed off most of the time?

It’s because of the morons.