8. All Sesame Street residents to provide documentation of U.S. citizenship; Ernie and Bert to live in separate domiciles.

7. KUER RadioWest host Doug Fabrizio to grow tribute mustache honoring Rep. Carl Wimmer.

6. PBS NewsHour to be shown in split-screen opposite Glenn Beck scribbling “socialist agenda!” repeatedly on a chalkboard.

5. NPR’s All Things Considered to be followed by the GOP-produced And Then Rejected Outright.

4. WordGirl to be followed by WorderGirl, featuring a cartoon Sarah Palin’s latest linguistic inventions.

3. The Diane Rehm Show to broadcast from a gun range and re-titled 50 Rounds With Rehm.

2. The Electric Company to become a privatized utility provider, ending unionized dance numbers.

1. Every Nova program to now end with the disclaimer “But Jesus thought of it first.”