8. “New, Retro-Themed ‘A’ Frame Tavern to Become Last and Only Bar in People’s Republic of Utah”
7. “Beloved Authentic Neighborhood Mexican Eatery Chipotle Closes”
6. “High-Rise Apartments Vacant for 20 Years Now Home to Radioactive Zombie Hives”
5. “Re-Elected Sen. Hatch Breaks Ground on New ‘Uncle Orrin’s Vitamin Shoppe’ Location”
4. “Red Lobster Now Importing Seafood Directly from Nevada Shoreline Fisheries”
3. “Mega-Franchise Del Taco Bell Time to Open in Chipotle Space”
2. “Sugar House State Liquor Store Still Petitioning to Expand Beyond 10 Parking Spaces”
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