Clubbers may not be aware that you haven’t been with Liquid Joe’s Metal Gods since last year. What have you been doing since the split?
Well, there have been several rumors. Some say I was recording and auditioning for a revamped supergroup called Satin Pistol or some silliness. Untrue—that was back in 2003, when I first moved to Utah. Others claim I rented a cabin in Montana and began mailing out incendiary devices. Some insist I shaved me head and took a vow of silence, and we all know how likely that is. The truth? I was hiking the Appalachian Trail.

How does a Metal Dogs show differ from a Metal Gods show? More hairspray and larger cucumbers down the pants?
Since Sean Hannity has informed me that the ozone layer is OK, yes! Aqua Net for everyone! The Dogs and I will be doing all the most epic ’80s heavy metal. Most songs will be familiar to Nigel’s legions, but we’re also adding some “new” nuggets I’ve never performed before. We’ll also have weekly emcees and comedians, all-star guests from Los Angeles and Las Vegas, a go-go dancer cage onstage—one song each, ladies. And we do prefer zucchini. They’re less prickly, actually.

What is the greatest artistic achievement of your career thus far? Or, if you prefer, most dangerous groupie liaison?
Pond-skimming as Jesus, The Canyons, April 2006. I walked on water.

Could The Metal Dogs take more-famous faux-metal band Steel Panther in a slap fight?
We could take their paychecks, for shizzle—“Death to All But Nigel!” Oh, Sarah Silverman … so yummy in that video. There is a bit of history with me and those blokes; all good karma, baby. But for that stuff, you’ll have to wait for the book—wink wink, nudge nudge.

Local tabloids have linked you with a hippie named Tony Oros who sings for change in Park City bars. Care to address the allegation?
I do not associate with people who listen to Radiohead.

Bill Frost: