Hey Wilson, you got any children? No? In that case you're not fit to be president—of anything. You see, it's like this: People without children, even if they've adopted a brood, are, well, what's the right word ... icky ... trashy ... scummy lowlifes.
They are “childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made." That’s according to J.D. Vance, the Republican nominee for vice president. He forgot to mention Taylor Swift is in that category, but he's still got time.
It's worse than you think, 'cause even though Vice President Kamala Harris has two stepchildren, she's a lowlife, too, explained Sarah Huckabee, the governor of Arkansas and former Trump spokeswoman. It's a frightening anti-children ideology held by sad, pathetic people.
Look at Kamala, Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg (two adopted children) and New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) who run the Democratic Party. No Children. Holy hell.
The Founding Fathers could never have imagined it, otherwise they would have put something in the Constitution like this: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice and insure domestic Tranquility, do ordain that all people will have children or else ...”
Why People Stay and Leave Zion, aka Utah
People love Utah and aren't leaving. People who used to love Utah are looking for the exits. The Salt Lake Tribune took a look at why some people stay and why others don't—toxic air, lawmakers and hypocrisy make people want to leave, according to the report. Community, outdoors, and climate make people want to stay.
The staff here at Smart Bomb determined that we should take a deeper dive on what folks think:
1—Staying: We just love the gerrymandering here.
2—Leaving: Skiing and the parks are too crowded.
3—Staying: We love the fact that this state is a theocracy.
4—Leaving: We can't take another losing Jazz season.
5—Staying: We love that the state liquor stores are closed on Sunday.
6—Leaving: We hate Mike Lee and Burgess Owens.
7—Staying: Because state government doesn't interfere with the Great Salt Lake.
8—Leaving: Before the “sports/entertainment” district ruins downtown.
9—Staying: Because of the “wholesome” people who love Donald Trump.
10—Leaving: Because of the “wholesome” people who love Donald Trump.
Undecided Voters and the Fate of the Nation
Hey Wilson, did you ever get the sinking sensation that undecided voters aren't exactly the sharpest bunch? Donald Trump and Kamala Harris are about as different as night and day. How could they possibly be undecided?
Trump is Mr. Masculine Tough Guy. Harris is a strong, articulate woman. Trump lies like a rug. Harris has to explain why groceries are so expensive. Trump led an unsuccessful coup against the United States. Harris was the California Attorney General and a U.S. Senator.
Here's what some undecided voters said:
—“I like Trump because he tells it like it is, but his ties are too long and his hands are small.
—“I like Kamala but she smiles too much. And that laugh. Ugh.”
—“Trump was cuckoo for saying Haitians eat dogs and cats but he's a good golfer and we need presidents who can golf.”
—“Kamala would bring a woman's touch to the White House but her husband is totally creepy. I don't trust him.”
—“Trump is a good businessman but he's gone bankrupt a whole bunch of times.”
—“Kamala made the price of groceries and gas go up but she's got much better hair than Trump.”
Sad to say Wilson, but the fate of the country is in their hands. Start packing. They say Canada isn't so bad—and they speak English there.
Postscript—That's a wrap for another totally insane week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the equinox so you don't have to. Wilson, did you know the ancient Greeks believed that on the autumnal equinox the Goddess Persephone returned to the darkness of the underworld to be with her husband Hades?
The pagans called the September equinox Mabon, after the Welsh god of Celtic mythology. According to legend, Mabon was stolen from his mother, Modron, three days after birth, plunging the land into sorrow and darkness. For us Americans and a lot of folks in Europe and elsewhere, the 2024 presidential election threatens to plunge us into darkness—at least that's how it feels.
The Nov. 5 election is coming at us like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. You can say what you want about Stonehenge and the druids but they didn't have nasty, lyin' websites, influencers and two-year election campaigns. In fact, they didn't have elections at all.
Trump might like that but he probably wouldn't fit in too well. What would he sell druids anyway, Bibles? Not exactly. They might go for his gold sneakers—the “Never Surrender High Tops.” Any druid could be the toast of Stonehenge with a pair of those babies. Or maybe they wouldn't be caught dead in them.
We don't know about you Wilson, but that pagan, druid stuff sounds kind of cool. Maybe we can just let our imaginations go and hope for some kind of magic spell that will somehow pull us through. So wake up the wiccans in the band and take us on outta here:
Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover?
All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?
She is like a cat in the dark
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark
And when the sky is starless
All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?
Will you ever win?
She rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover?
All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?
Will you ever win?
Rhiannon, Rhiannon
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky
“Rhiannon”—Fleetwood Mac
