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No Fireworks for You

8 alternatives to air-polluting holiday fireworks, from the office of SLC Mayor Ralph Becker

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Eight alternatives to air-polluting holiday fireworks, from the office of SLC Mayor Ralph Becker:

8. “Try rubbing your eyes really, really hard.”

7. “Let’s all ride our bikes to 13th South and watch the Salt Lake Bees’ fireworks from the 7-Eleven parking lot—who’s with me?”

6. “I’ve found that a brightly-colored sweater vest usually gets the party started.”

5. “It has to start somewhere—better here than with tax-paying corporate polluters.”

4. “Maybe attend the rodeo before I shut down that savagery, too.”

3. “Lasers. Remember the Laser Pink Floyd shows? I was like, dude …”

2. “Go out to the suburbs. Those hillbillies will be blowing up their Wyoming stashes all summer.”

1. “How do you feel about breathing? Like that? You’re welcome.”

Twitter: @Bill_Frost

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