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No Thanks

Eight texts to get you out of spending Thanksgiving with your family

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8. “Our popular vote said we’d come, but our electoral vote was a hard no. Sorry!”
7. “Your grandson’s hand-turkey drawings are just GARBAGE. We’re not ready to present them at this time.”
6. “Will dinner be locally sourced and address my gluten and wheat concerns? And my dog’s?”
5. “If my Tinder date gets there before me, just let him in. He’s OK; he did his time.”
4. “Did you get a Blu-ray player yet? I’m bringing my entire Michael Moore collection.”
3. “I just picked up some killer vape juice for the weekend, cuz!”
2. “I’ll need your Wi-Fi password and commenter login for Breibart.com. No reason. Don’t worry about it.”
1. “New phone. Who dis?”

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