8. Work for the godless Liberal Media cranking out lists in a sweatshop.
7. Promised to spend more quality time with Netflix queue.
6. Dinner conversation already exhausted through "Re: Obama is the Antichrist" e-mail exchanges.
5. Alcoholism not yet advanced enough.
4. Currently living in car, don't want to lose sweet parking space.
3. Picked up too many extra shifts at the strip club, er, homeless shelter.
2. Didn't receive the Facebook invite.
1. Am Batman.