8. The jokes have been recycled too many times with slightly different wordings.
7. The gags have been repurposed too frequently with mildly altered verbiage.
6. David Letterman apparently now has all the free time in the world to mail out legal notices.
5. Millennials are over lists; this space will be filled by "The Best of Yelp."
4. New sponsorship dispute: The Vivint Smart Home Ocho just sounds ridiculous.
3. Money had to be reallocated to upgrade office computers to Windows 95.
2. Gov. Gary Herbert can't possibly supply any more material ... right?
1. The author's new job requires drug testing, so ...