7. The late Jerry Garcia’s nicknames included “Captain Trips,” “Spud” and “The Worst Guitarist Since Bob Weir.”
6. Garcia’s Dead & Company replacement, John Mayer, is the first band member in 50 years to be found attractive by women.
5. Notorious womanizer Mayer will not be, quote, “tapping that ‘gray hay’” while on tour with D&C, however.
4. Dead & Company utilize two drummers because one inevitably falls asleep during the band’s tedious, eons-long jams.
3. D&C’s songs meander because no one knows how they end. Or begin. Or qualify as “songs.”
2. The ticket prices might seem high, but tie-dyed yachts that run on cocaine and hippie blood aren’t cheap.
1. Grateful Dead music was never “satanic.” Satan has far better taste than that.