Person of No Interest | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » The Ocho

Person of No Interest

8 reasons the FBI isn’t watching you



Eight reasons the FBI probably isn’t watching you:

8. Updating your cat’s Facebook page while at work isn’t a white-collar crime.

7. Your Indian gaming casino/payday lender/daycare center is completely legit.

6. Working undercover at Subway for your boss at Blimpie’s isn’t counterespionage.

5. They don’t investigate moonshiners anymore. Home brewers, however …

4. Trading Kostizi deals for LivingSocial deals isn’t money laundering.

3. Even you don’t know where you dumped that Russian escort’s body.

2. Fixing drink prices doesn’t violate any anti-trust laws … right?

1. You’re really not all that interesting. Sorry.