Okay, make it stop. This ride has gone on long enough. With its uncalled-for fifth installment, Pirates of the Caribbean has officially outstayed its welcome. It’s a cacophony of CGI spectacle that assails the senses, but forgets to give us a reason to care about the people caught in the middle of it. It is pandemonium, and incredibly boring. It is full of the supernatural, but it has no magic. Abuse passes for wit, coincidence for fate. Action sequences are kinetic and crashy, but lack pizzazz. Jack Sparrow’s new Bones and Spock—played by Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario—share nothing but cringeworthy banter, a painful lack of chemistry and one of the least convincing onscreen romances ever. Johnny Depp’s Sparrow is newly cruel to his friends, stupid rather than cunning and lacking in all the crafty charm he once had. The confusing, convoluted plot—involving a search for the mythic Trident of Poseidon, said to break all curses of the sea, and Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) out for revenge against Sparrow for turning him into a zombie-sailor—had me rooting for Salazar all the way. By MaryAnn Johanson