8. Grand marshal Roseanne Barr singing the new gay national anthem, “Born This Way.”

7. The immediate retirement of the new gay national anthem, “Born This Way.”

6. No religious protestors outside the fence, as they were all Raptured two weeks ago.

5. The Bud Light sponsor booth—because Bud Lime is too gay even for Pride.

4. Presentation of the memorial Chris Buttars Awards for LGBT Awareness, “The Butties.”

3. A KSL/Deseret News reporter filing a story on the festival’s “dozens of attendees.”

2. The “gay” City Weekly van in the parade, which was also “Irish” in the St. Patrick’s Day parade just two months ago.

1. Once again, as per SLC festival law, the fossilized remains of the Saliva Sisters.