Running for Utah Senate | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » The Ocho

Running for Utah Senate

Eight prerequisites for becoming a Utah Senate challenger to Bob Bennett.

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Eight prerequisites for becoming a U.S. Senate challenger to Bob Bennett:

8. Must reference Ronald Reagan in at least every third platitude.

7. Must be anything but a Democrat. Just make up a party, like “Reaganologist.”

6. Must reference Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, minus the crazy “no God” stuff.

5. Must want to finish the job in Iraq. Having some idea of what “the job” is, also helpful.

4. Must not be old enough to remember the advent of “talkies.”

3. Must oppose Obama’s Satanic, baby-raping agendas, but support the sacred office of President.

2. Must be so far to the right that even left-turn signal in minivan is disabled.

1. Must know the Constitution inside and out. Then conveniently forget about half of it.

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