It's taken virtually the entire length of his career, but I finally have something nice to say about Sen. Mike Lee. I mean, I don't even wish the guy "happy birthday," nor do I send him holiday greeting cards—for any holiday.
By and large, I can find nothing in his life or political resume that has ever merited an accolade from me. Lee believes he's a far superior human being to the likes of myself and those fellow humans I've chosen to surround myself with—you know, normal people.
But, as we normal people lack the requisites for membership in the U.S. Senate in the categories of religious birthright, aggrandizement, self-pity, finger pointing, pilfering and bootlicking, we are not so likely to benefit from the rare good deeds from a fellow such as Sen. Lee. However, we normal people do understand and hold dear the valued principles of fair play. Thus, it's my role today not to condemn Mike Lee ... too much.
On Monday, April 10, not just Lee, but the entire Utah congressional delegation submitted a request to U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken expressing concern about passport processing delays (for new passports and also renewals) that are causing their offices to be flooded with complaints and requests for help. The request to Blinken includes a call for Salt Lake City be selected for the site of a new passport fulfillment agency.
While there are such agencies in California, Colorado and Arizona, it's not an easy thing to travel hundreds of miles in order to get the documentation required to travel hundreds of miles more. An agency in Salt Lake City would fill not only a geographical gap for such need but also grant easier access to passport fulfillment for our growing population as well.
Given the propensity of former Latter-day Saint missionaries to take a pilgrimage to the countries where they once pedaled their bicycles to peddle their Books of Mormon, it's a great surprise to me that we don't already have such an agency here. Also given that the annual City Weekly Tour to Greece is growing in popularity, I can attest firsthand that solving passport issues is no minor priority.
In just the past five years, around 200 people have traveled with me to Greece via the City Weekly tour. It is not a small fraction of them who have experienced major heartburn while awaiting their passports, or who have had other passport problems. I get at least one call or email each week regarding passport issues.
Therefore, a thank you to Sen. Lee is in order for his hard work and sweat in moving this issue forward. Sure, the actual legislation is contained within the National Defense Authorization Act of 2023, which was authored by Sen. Mitt Romney. But Romney doesn't have ego issues, nor is he wanting for political or professional accomplishments as is Lee who, as far as I can tell, hasn't done a damned thing for Utah. This is a big step for a guy who needs a ladder to mount a pony, so I'm all in favor of him basking in something positive for a change.
I'm not alone in this thought, evidenced by the fair play also exhibited by Utah's congressional delegation that joined Lee and Romney to call for better passport service for Utahns. I do hope they didn't hold their noses too tightly while doing so, however. Still, isn't it refreshing to see what can happen when our representatives go to work for us? Sure it is, so let's rejoice that they co-signed a letter! It's even more amazing since I know of no PAC that's dedicated to the support of passport fulfillment.
That's why this is big news. It's not only big news for my aforementioned support of old men and women who suddenly have a yen to speak in the language and eat the horrible foods of their 19-year-old selves. Those spiritual reboots potentially occur at more than 400 LDS missions worldwide. The biggest reboot of all, though, is for those who tag along with me to Greece to partake in life's other supplements, like ouzo and Greek salads.
Did you know that in all of Greece, there are fewer than 1,000 members of the LDS faith? Out of 11 million people? I only mention that because in the interest of additional fair play, I'd like to offer to any returned LDS missionary who served in Greece a 20% discount on a future trip with our City Weekly tour.
Greece is obviously not an easy place in the world to find LDS converts (especially among native Greeks, as a good many of the LDS members there have immigrated from elsewhere). I know my way around, so maybe I can help.
It's the least I can do, given Mormonism was the religion my grandmother was born into. Heck, if Sen. Lee wants to come along, I'll even show him around. I'll pay his way, too (we all know that Lee won't lift a finger without first making sure a silver dollar is attached).
He's a so-called expert on democracy, so why not drag him up Acropolis Hill, where he might come to understand that the word "democracy" itself—the core notion that government is for "We the People"—is not of local origin. I'd also take him through the Roman Agora and Hadrian's Library, where Latin once was spoken, giving us a word so dear to Lee: Constitution.
Never mind that he is not a pal of either word. All I need is a passport—and a case of ouzo, enough to get me through a couple of insufferable days with Mike Lee. And all he has to do is stay out of jail.
Send comments to john@cityweekly.net
Correction: Secretary of State Antony Blinken's first name was misspelled in the print edition of this story and has been corrected in the online version.
