Eight signs that your new art gallery probably isn’t going to make it:

8. When the wine runs out, so does the Gallery Stroll crowd. And your partner.

7. Your latest show, Horse Penis Inferno, was deemed offensive by the landlord …

6. … but not offensive enough by local morality groups and the media.

5. Your gallery is featured on an upcoming episode of Hoarders.

4. The terrible ukulele player out front isn’t quite terrible enough for the hipsters.

3. You don’t get much customer crossover traffic from the Pep Boys next door.

2. You blew your entire promotional budget on a full-page ad in Wasatch Luddite.

1. The only piece you’ve sold recently was “1997 Coffee Maker.” It was your actual coffee maker.

Bill Frost: