1. Sen. Mike Lee: Pretend not to know Trump's chief of staff, Mark Meadows.
2. Sen. Mitt Romney: Pretend not to know Mike Lee.
3. Rep. Burgess Owens: Concoct new ways that Democrats are destroying America's soul.
4. Mayor Erin Mendenhall: Ignore mayoral challenger Rocky Anderson.
5. Former Mayor Rocky Anderson: Don't let Erin Mendenhall ignore you.
6. Gov. Spencer Cox: Stop talking trash about the Outdoor Retailer trade show now that they're coming back to Utah, despite Republican opposition to Bears Ears, etc.
7. Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes: Get invited to more international soccer matches. Say you're looking for trafficked women.
8. Utah Senate President Stuart Adams: Go to more soccer matches with Reyes. Say it's for international trade.
9. Utah football coach Kyle Whittingham: Ask for another raise, $6 million isn't nearly enough.
10. Latter-day Saint Church President Russell M. Nelson: Get a revelation that it's OK to say "Mormon" again.
Only Little People Pay Taxes
The cat's out of the bag: In 2016 and again in 2017, Donald Trump paid $750 in federal income taxes. Trump paid zero taxes in 10 of the previous 15 years. That's one helluva cat.
As Leona Helmsley once said: "Only little people pay taxes."
For 2008 and 2009, Trump declared $1 billion in losses and got a $72.9 million refund from previous taxes. It's all on the up and up—or is it? Trump's taxes are such a can of worms that the IRS couldn't (or wouldn't) figure them out. One thing is for sure, tax accountants can be worth their weight in gold—yes, literally.
According to the news organization ProPublica, the 25 top American billionaires increased their wealth by $401 billion from 2014 to 2018 but paid a federal income tax rate of only 3.4%. The median American household earned about $70,000 annually and paid 14% in federal taxes.
Jeff Bezos paid no federal income taxes for the years 2007 and 2011. His wealth increased by $127 billion from 2006 to 2018, while he paid a tax rate of 1.1%. Not only does Congress not care that the richest of the rich pay little to no taxes, but they want to hang the dirty S.O.B. who leaked the tip to ProPublica. Poor billionaires getting their dirty laundry aired out like that. What is the world coming to?
It's a Bird, It's a Plane—No, It's an Oligarch
The weirdest thing: Russian elites keep falling out of windows. That they were all critics of Vladimir Putin's war in Ukraine is just coincidental. And we thought Trump was mean. Imagine this headline: "Tragic coincidence, Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffett, Michael Bloomberg and Elon Musk all fell out of windows to their deaths." Hmmm. Oh well, what are you going to do?
That seems to be the attitude in Russia where at least a dozen bigshots have died since the Ukraine incursion in March. The Dutch news network NOS described the coincidences as "a grim series of Russian billionaires, many from the oil and gas industries, who have been found dead in unusual circumstances ..."
In Putin's Russia, "unusual" is not so unusual. USA Today concluded that 38 Russian businessmen died mysteriously between 2014 and 2017. Darn the luck.
Remember U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who recused himself from investigating Russian interference into the 2016 election? A furious Trump called him a "dumb Southerner" and "mentally retarded." But Sessions didn't die mysteriously—although Trump did kill his career. Our politics may be blood sport, but in Putin's Russia, there is little blood and no fingerprints but many coincidences.
Postscript—That's it for another wonderful year here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of Donald Trump's legal problems, so you don't have to. Let's see, there were all those top secret documents he spirited away to Mar-A-Lago; there's the little matter of Trump leading a coup to remain in power; in a recorded call, he demanded that the Georgia secretary of state "find" enough votes to win him that state; and Trump still faces the possibility of criminal charges against him personally as part of the Manhattan D.A. office's investigation into fraud allegations. We could go on but there's only so much time in a day. Happy New Year, Mr. Trump.
Breaking news! It rained in California and, when it rains, it pours. Ain't it the truth! Closer to home, last weekend's storm brought 70 inches of snow to Alta.
From our "Stinkers" file: George Santos, the recently elected Republican congressman from Long Island, New York, has been caught lying—not just lying, but lying and lying and lying. You're right—we're not sure that's news, either.
And, finally, this from the letters to The Salt Lake Tribune: "In what universe does any rational life-form care about what is happening to the cast of the show The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City? For the love of all that is holy, please stop reporting on their pathetic lives."
Private Eye is off this week. Christopher Smart's Smart Bomb column is a regular feature at cityweekly.net Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net
