8. Never use turn signals—they're distracting.
7. If you do use a turn signal, leave it on for a minimum of 20 miles.
6. Brake hard and often. It lets other drivers know you mean business.
5. Disregard pedestrians: If they didn't have a death wish, they wouldn't be walking.
4. Disregard cyclists: See death wish above, add extra layer of crazy.
3. "Stay home" warnings are for other drivers—you'll have the roads all to yourself.
2. Warm up your car in the garage for at least 45 minutes with the door closed.
1. The faster you drive, the faster you'll meet Jesus, uh, arrive at your destination.