Staff Box | What would you flood? | Staff Box | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » Staff Box

Staff Box | What would you flood?


In the 1983 floods, State Street became a river. If it floods this year and you held the lever, what would you flood?

Steve Matney: I’d flood the gene pool with morally upright, genius DNA. I’m thinking of the children.

Justin Healy: I would flood Main Street. I would love to look out my window and see a river running by. How lovely.

Ted McDonough: The west desert. I don’t know if I can take another lung-clogging dust storm.

Doug Kruithof: Hmm ... which sprawling suburb do I want to select? Alas … there is no politically correct answer

Ben Rosch: I would flood as much of residential areas as I could, then spread mass panic due to an outbreak of cryptosporidium!

Susan Kruithof: Perhaps Sugar House. Then, they’d be forced to start from scratch, and maybe, just maybe, the people of Sugar House would stand up and demand independent businesses in the area instead of the chains and boxes that are going in now.

Andrea Moore: If I flooded our office, would I be responsible for cleaning up the mess? If not, I’d like to take a flood day. Otherwise, I’d just flood Main Street just to wash off the nasty stuff on the ground.

Holly Mullen: If the strategically placed packets of d-CON don’t do the trick, I want to flood out the rats that have invaded my yard. They came for the birdseed and refuse to go. Leave, you nasty rats! Leave, I say!

Derek Carlisle: I’d flood Liberty Park. It’s time to give the hippies a bath. Just kidding; I love drum circles.

Nathan R. Levinson: Chris Buttars’ house.

Brandon Burt: The Sutherland Institute. I’m not sure if it corresponds to any physical place outside the mind of Paul Mero, but it does call itself a “think tank”—which must be kind of a like a fish tank, so, why not?

Bryan Bale: I’d flood family homes that fit two conditions: 1. the home is under threat of foreclosure and 2. the owners have flood insurance.

Jeremiah Smith: I would flood the construction site next door. It might be nice to have a swimming pool during the summer.

Ashley Mortensen: Those crazy TRAX trains! I believe they’ll be the end of me one day.