Eight Jason Statham movies coming in 2012 after this weekend’s “new” Safe:
8. Strung Out: Statham rescues a child violin prodigy; beats the hell out of Russian mobsters and a rogue brass section.
7. 32 Down: Statham rescues a brilliant crossword writer; beats the hell out of Japanese mobsters (aka the Sudoku Yakuza).
6. Iced: Statham rescues a teen figure-skating prodigy; beats the hell out of Canadian mobsters and drunken hockey fans.
5. Caged Rage: Statham rescues trafficked gerbils; beats the hell out of Mongolian mobsters and corrupt PetSmart employees.
4. Double Penetration: Statham rescues twin strippers; beats the hell out of Columbian mobsters and Secret Service agents.
3. Plinko Disaster: Statham rescues a record-winning Price Is Right contestant; beats the hell out of Drew Carey.
2. Dead Plastic Trees: Statham rescues Radiohead; beats the hell out of British mobsters and disgruntled rock critics.
1. Crank 3-D: Mormon Storm: Statham rescues Mitt Romney; beats the hell out of media mobsters and PETA.