Through some investigation, but mostly deductive logic, the crack team here at SmartBomb has determined, we believe, who is the mystery guest that will light the 130-foot high cauldron to open the 2002 Winter Games. The answer to the big Olympic mystery question: Deer Valley bon vivant Stein Eriksen, the gold medal winner of the 1952 giant slalom in Oslo, Norway. Norwegian by birth, Stein has spent the last quarter century in Utah, where he has graced both Deer Valley and what was then called the Park City Ski Area. We haven’t been wrong on anything since last week, when we reported that Mayor Rocky Anderson wanted to put snowmaking machines on the roofs of high rises downtown. But let’s not go there again. We have good reason to believe that Stein will get the call. After all, who else are they going to get? The only other Olympic medalist in these parts is Rulon Gardner—but he’s a wrestler from Wyoming and doesn’t look that good in ski pants. Nope, Stein’s our man. You heard it here first. n Speaking of the Olympics (notice clever segue), somebody calling himself the “Slickrock Stranger” has released a CD that pokes fun at our Games. The mystery masked man advertises that the disc contains the “Unofficial Song of the Official Scandal.” (Hopefully the suits at SLOC won’t get wind of this). The number in question is called “The A Limp Fix Song” and celebrates how the scandal was pinned on fall guys Tom Welch and Dave Johnson and then promptly swept under the rug. “But no matter what happens, one thing we know: our new reputation is not about snow!” the verse goes. “The best Games that our money could buy have given us a big black eye.” A catchy tune indeed. Anyone wishing to purchase the $10 CD can order at www.slickrockstranger.com. We wouldn’t lie about a thing like this. n Since we’re on the subject of the Olympics (and may not get off it for another month), we thought a mention of Bud World might be nice. Budweiser, ironically, is one of the official beverages of the Winter Games. The other one is Coca-Cola. Brigham must be rolling over in his grave. At any rate, Budweiser will be taking over the Gallivan Center during the Games to offer all sorts of things, including the Budweiser Penguins. Anyone hoping for the Budweiser Frogs is out of luck—it’s too croaking cold. n This just in from London: Prince William has stiffed Britney Spears. That is to say, the boy/man in line for the British throne stood up the girl/woman pop star following a tentative agreement through e-mail to arrange a liaison. Britney broke the news on a British television program. London papers and the Associated Press picked it up the story. Why, we aren’t sure. But apparently, it’s big news. Stay tuned ... n And finally this: citing the Legislative Auditor General’s finding that mandated instruction of firearm use for concealed weapon permits is practically useless, Sen. Scott Jenkins, R-Plain City, using what can only be described as Utah logic, has proposed handing out permits without any training. It will make us all a lot safer, he said.