Sun's Out, Guns Out | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
We need your help.

Newspapers and media companies nationwide are closing or suffering mass layoffs since the coronavirus impacted all of us starting in March. City Weekly's entire existence is directly tied to people getting together in groups--in clubs, restaurants, and at concerts and events--which are the industries most affected by new coronavirus regulations.

Our industry is not healthy. Yet, City Weekly has continued publishing thanks to the generosity of readers like you. Utah needs independent journalism more than ever, and we're asking for your continued support of our editorial voice. We are fighting for you and all the people and businesses hardest hit by this pandemic.

You can help by making a one-time or recurring donation on, which directs you to our Galena Fund 501(c)(3) non-profit, a resource dedicated to help fund local journalism. It is never too late. It is never too little. Thank you. DONATE

News » The Ocho

Sun's Out, Guns Out

Eight things to know before watching the solar eclipse on Monday.


8. Shooting your gun at the eclipse won’t stop it, but it’s your damned right as an American to do it! #MakeEclipseGreatAgain
7. The solar eclipse will not affect your astrological sign, as astrology is still bullshit.
6. During the eclipse, the solar panels you eco-freaks installed will fail and you’ll die instantly, just as Rocky Mountain Power warned.
5. The government recommends observing the solar eclipse through chemtrails. Don’t ask why.
4. The “protective” glasses you bought at Ed’s Eclipse Shades & Fireworks stand aren’t certified.
3. If your Spotify “Solar Eclipse” playlist includes Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” but not Iron Maiden’s “Total Eclipse,” you’re doing it wrong.
2. The eclipse is no more a danger to pregnant women than simply existing in modern ’Merica.
1. The solar eclipse is not God’s wrath against the gays—your bishop will let you know when that’s coming.