8. "Whoever he is, my damned kids won't shut up about him."

7. "Did she play the Zephyr back in the day? So when's the Zephyr re-opening?"

6. "She was in the great Swift vs. Minaj War. I remember it like it was yesterday."

5. "If she's not on cassette, I haven't heard her."

4. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I won tickets! What? No? Aww ... "

3. "She's a pop sellout—I only listen to real country music, like Florida Georgia Line."

2. "Do they do suit alterations? I have a parole hearing coming up."

1. "Nice try—you're not going to trick me into liking anything popular. Or awesome. Or that I'll be third-row center at on Friday."