Tar and Feathers for Trump? | Opinion | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
DONATE
Support the Free Press.
Facts matter. Truth matters. Journalism matters.
Salt Lake City Weekly has been Utah's source of independent news and in-depth journalism since 1984.
Donate today to ensure the legacy continues.

News » Opinion

Tar and Feathers for Trump?

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

By

comment
smart_bomb.jpg

OK, we could not shit-can Trump with the 25th Amendment on account of that would get the cabinet and Vice President Mike Pence killed by the Proud Boys and their wingmen. Pence may be a dead-man-walking anyway for certifying Joe Biden's clear victory. Either way, his political career is in the toilet. So, the next best thing: Impeachment. Nancy Pelosi and House Democrats wasted no time and with 10 Republicans impeached The Biggest Loser on Jan. 13—exactly one week after Trump sent his minions to take the Capitol and install him as El Presidente. Now, the question is, should the Senate put him on trial for "inciting insurrection"? Soon, the Dems will control the Senate and most likely will go for it. If convicted by a two-thirds margin, Trump could never hold elected office again. He couldn't even pretend, which is what he does best. Unlike Trump's first impeachment—when Republicans allowed no witnesses—the Democrats could go crazy: Stormy Daniels, do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth? Still, it would be relatively civilized. But get this: The staff here at Smart Bomb reminds us that during WWI, German-Americans were tarred and feathered just for the fun of it. And it's true that Trump's genealogy does reach back to Germany. Just sayin'.

Evangelicals at Each Other's Throats

"God removed Donald Trump from office because of his pride and arrogance and to humble those who fervently support him," said conservative preacher Jeremiah Johnson. Then all hell broke loose. According to columnist David Brooks, the preacher got death threats from other conservative (so-called) Christians. "To my great heartache," Johnson said, "I'm convinced that parts of the prophetic/charismatic movement are far sicker than I could ever have dreamed of." Hello, Pastor Johnson: Welcome to conservative Christian America. Now, white Christians are squaring off against one another, mano o mano, over whether Trump lost the election. "I rebuke the news (of Trump's defeat) in the name of Jesus," said pastor Tim Remington. "It's the lies, communism and socialism." Oh, what a shame. Now, they can aim all that hate at each other. Brooks adds this: A core element of Trumpism is that it forces you to betray truth, moral character, the Sermon on the Mount, conservative principles and the Constitution. Yes, Wilson, we know that even the band got that much, except, of course, for the Sermon on the Mount part. But we digress. The notion Trump was chosen by God, or Jesus, or the ice cream man is totally ... how should we say this: demonic!

My Rights Are Being Violated *&%$#&%$#

Colorado Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert, who was just elected to Congress, knows a thing or two about constitutional rights. She pushed around the newly installed metal detectors in the Capitol and ignored police officers who asked her to stop, according to The New York Times. She refused to show officers what was in her handbag—a Glock handgun—and complained about being ordered to wear a mask on the floor of the House. Her rights were being violated! Somewhere along the way, white Republicans became furious that blacks, Hispanics and Asians could say they were discriminated against, and white people could not. That's just not f—ing fair! I ain't goin' to wear no mask, that violates my rights—as if minorities could simply take off a mask and blend into white America. Congresswoman Boebert says she can take her Glock anywhere she f—ing wants because it says so in the Constitution. White people are discriminated against all over the place. Meanwhile, minorities just do whatever they want and if anyone calls them on it, they say, wha, wha, I'm being discriminated against. And don't say nothin' about prisons being filled with black people. Because that's B.S. And Donald Trump won the election, you shitheads. God bless white Americans.

Postscript—Well, here we are three whole weeks into the new year, and things are going swimmingly well—not! But Joe Biden will be president, and a change is gonna come. Still, there are fascist militias out there planning their next attack with a little help from the usual suspects: Fox, Limbaugh, Alex Jones and Christian conservatives. Wilson and the guys in the band were teen hippie-wanabees back when hard hats and other straight people were saying stuff, like: "America: Love It or Leave It." They even stuck it on their bumpers. Times have changed and now Wilson and the band are threatening to put "America: Love It or Leave It" on their cars. Take that MAGAts. But one warning, Wilson, don't ever stop in Blanding, Utah, where they don't cotton to no liberal long hairs with commie bumper stickers. Blanding, love it or leave it—fast. But hey, there is some good news to report. Insurgencies hyped for capitols in all 50 states on Jan. 17 didn't come off. They threw a party, and no one came—except lots and lots of cops. (Wilson loves cops more each day.) Could it be that since the FBI is out rounding up Trumpers from Jan. 6, it's struck paranoia into the rest of those brave MAGAts troops. They're probably hunkered down out of sight working on pig-Latin security codes: "Ed-fays in the ushes-bay."

OK, Wilson, since we want to focus on our new president and the fact that we just had Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Wilson, can you and the guys give us something that's at least a little hopeful?

Love is but a song we sing

Fear's the way we die

You can make the mountains ring

Or make the angels cry

Though the bird is on the wing

And you may not know why

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

If you hear the song I sing,

You will understand, listen

You hold the key to love and fear

All in your trembling hand

Just one key unlocks them both

It's there at your command

Come on, people now

Smile on your brother

Everybody get together

Try to love one another right now

"Get Together"—The Youngbloods

Tags