Thanks for Nothin' | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » The Ocho

Thanks for Nothin'

Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.

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8. “Mommy has to go work her shift at Trails. Are my turkey pasties on straight?”
7. “Hurry up and finish eating— we need to go set up camp outside Walmart.”
6. “The wine store was closed. How about a Bud Light Lime Cran-Brrr-Rita?”
5. “Finally, a holiday without a mass shooting … oh, wait, never mind.”
4. “Gather ’round the radio, kids! It’s almost time for The Best of InfoWars!”
3. “Grandma isn’t breathing. Did anybody bring a garment bag?”
2. “Please respect Bry’lee and Bastion’s food allergies and enjoy the soy broth.”
1. “We checked 23andMe again this year: We’re still white!”

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